The Last Day at work. The Penultimate Day in Korea. I'm not sure that I'll have another post following this one After all, I have spend a year in Korea, and that's what this blog was about. Seems kind of silly to keep it up while living a normal life in the States. No - scratch that - I don't ever want a normal life.
Still, I don't think I'll be blogging about my adventure in the US.
It has been a full and wonderfully strange year. Goodbye, apartment. You have heard a lot of prayers, seen a lot of tears, and held a lot of dancing. I've looked out that window for about 365 days, at the Bongseon-dong skyline. Did you know that most of the time, even if it's sunny, the sky is white? Pollution is so endearing :-P
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Derriere
I'm not sure if everyone who reads this blog knows what goes on in my classroom every. Single. Day.
My 6-year-old students thought it was the best joke ever to tell me what a big bum I have. Seriously - EVERY DAY. We'll be in circle time and they will make up songs about my rear. When we go into the hallway for a bathroom break, they'll run over and give it a hug. Everything is about the bum.
True, it's larger than the average Korean woman's - but I'm no Nicki Minaj. Funny thing is, I don't mind the joke. I've always wanted to be curvier, to look like a woman.
My mom had a close friend when I was young, and she was quite curvaceous. At five years old, I announced to my mother, "Mrs. Brown is a good momma."
"Why, Leigh Margaret?"
"Because she has curves."
A good momma, a good woman, a good wife. I don't know why my young mind knew how a woman is supposed to look - but I'm grateful that this has always been my goal. Not to be thin. I feel that being thin is almost a curse (and something I've struggled to overcome most of my life.) Please don't be angry if you can't relate. Maybe you've always wanted to be smaller or skinnier than you are. My point is: Ladies - put some meat on! That's what makes the world go 'round!
Whenever the kids make a big bum joke at me, I laugh and ask them, "but is it good?" They tell me enthusiastically, "YES!" If I have taught my young, girl students anything, I hope that when they are aware of their bodies and how to care for them, they will choose to be healthy, rather than anorexic, simply because it's a worldly trend.
My 6-year-old students thought it was the best joke ever to tell me what a big bum I have. Seriously - EVERY DAY. We'll be in circle time and they will make up songs about my rear. When we go into the hallway for a bathroom break, they'll run over and give it a hug. Everything is about the bum.
True, it's larger than the average Korean woman's - but I'm no Nicki Minaj. Funny thing is, I don't mind the joke. I've always wanted to be curvier, to look like a woman.
My mom had a close friend when I was young, and she was quite curvaceous. At five years old, I announced to my mother, "Mrs. Brown is a good momma."
"Why, Leigh Margaret?"
"Because she has curves."
A good momma, a good woman, a good wife. I don't know why my young mind knew how a woman is supposed to look - but I'm grateful that this has always been my goal. Not to be thin. I feel that being thin is almost a curse (and something I've struggled to overcome most of my life.) Please don't be angry if you can't relate. Maybe you've always wanted to be smaller or skinnier than you are. My point is: Ladies - put some meat on! That's what makes the world go 'round!
Whenever the kids make a big bum joke at me, I laugh and ask them, "but is it good?" They tell me enthusiastically, "YES!" If I have taught my young, girl students anything, I hope that when they are aware of their bodies and how to care for them, they will choose to be healthy, rather than anorexic, simply because it's a worldly trend.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Change
Metamorphosis.
Shift.
Renewal.
All of these things take time and strength. I might have survived this lengthy year abroad, putting in the time, but certainly, I'm not strong. If anything, these 365 days have been a reminder of how fragile I am.
I never knew how deeply I could feel-
hurt,
love,
disappointment,
and loneliness.
I didn't know I liked kids so darn much. They give me so much joy.
I didn't know working with orphans could bless me more than it blesses them.
I didn't know that I liked running.
I've come to terms with being half introverted, half extroverted. There's no shame in being a social hybrid.
I understand now, how important knowledge is to me, and with that, the expansion of one's mind. I don't mean to sound New Age; I mean, simply picking up a book is relaxing, exhilarating, and refreshing, all at the same time.
I found out that I can cook a few meals delightfully well.
I've come to know God on a more personal level. It's fewer "Dear Lord...thee, thine, doth, wilst thou...?" and "Hi God, so here's what happened today...thanks for ...you're really wonderful for loving me and giving me all that I need." Prayer is a tricky thing for me, but I'm learning to open up and communicate; forcing myself to make good habits, in order to live a blessed and peaceful life.
I know now who my truest friends are. I don't say this to point a finger at anyone who fell out of touch with me, but rather to applaud everyone who found me worth the time and effort to call, write letters, chat with on facebook, or video chat with on skype and gmail. Family, friends - you are more dear to me than you realize. Relationships are precious.
I realized that I've caught the travel bug! I'm already planning roadtrips in the US when I return.
I found out that I like living with fewer possessions. Too many belongings make me feel claustrophobic. Simple and nomadic is the ideal lifestyle for me.
I have learned how to continue with a commitment, even when it's not fun or I don't see a huge benefit for myself. My church, specifically, has been a great place to be included. It's not been without wounded feelings or being misunderstood. Some days, I'd really rather not go. But I need to be committed to a body of believers. To serve even when I don't feel like it. As Joyce Meyer put it so concretely: "To live beyond what I feel."
In that same vein, but in the opposite direction, I've learned to obey the quiet "feeling" I get telling me what to do. This is the Holy Spirit, I know. It told me to not go to India for Christmas, but instead wait for a missions trip in the future. Turns out, the girl I was to go with bailed and I wouldn't have had a travel buddy. Then, I felt that it was the wrong time for teaching in France, even if it was a short, two-month contract. I got a phone call that week from my sister saying she was engaged(!) and would I be the Maid of Honor/make her dress/help plan her wedding for July - thank you, Holy Spirit for speaking, and God, for making me sensitive to it!
If I think of any more random changes I've undergone, perhaps I'll post a "part 2."
For now, happy living-out-of-the-States anniversary to me!
Shift.
Renewal.
All of these things take time and strength. I might have survived this lengthy year abroad, putting in the time, but certainly, I'm not strong. If anything, these 365 days have been a reminder of how fragile I am.
I never knew how deeply I could feel-
hurt,
love,
disappointment,
and loneliness.
I didn't know I liked kids so darn much. They give me so much joy.
I didn't know working with orphans could bless me more than it blesses them.
I didn't know that I liked running.
I've come to terms with being half introverted, half extroverted. There's no shame in being a social hybrid.
I understand now, how important knowledge is to me, and with that, the expansion of one's mind. I don't mean to sound New Age; I mean, simply picking up a book is relaxing, exhilarating, and refreshing, all at the same time.
I found out that I can cook a few meals delightfully well.
I've come to know God on a more personal level. It's fewer "Dear Lord...thee, thine, doth, wilst thou...?" and "Hi God, so here's what happened today...thanks for ...you're really wonderful for loving me and giving me all that I need." Prayer is a tricky thing for me, but I'm learning to open up and communicate; forcing myself to make good habits, in order to live a blessed and peaceful life.
I know now who my truest friends are. I don't say this to point a finger at anyone who fell out of touch with me, but rather to applaud everyone who found me worth the time and effort to call, write letters, chat with on facebook, or video chat with on skype and gmail. Family, friends - you are more dear to me than you realize. Relationships are precious.
I realized that I've caught the travel bug! I'm already planning roadtrips in the US when I return.
I found out that I like living with fewer possessions. Too many belongings make me feel claustrophobic. Simple and nomadic is the ideal lifestyle for me.
I have learned how to continue with a commitment, even when it's not fun or I don't see a huge benefit for myself. My church, specifically, has been a great place to be included. It's not been without wounded feelings or being misunderstood. Some days, I'd really rather not go. But I need to be committed to a body of believers. To serve even when I don't feel like it. As Joyce Meyer put it so concretely: "To live beyond what I feel."
In that same vein, but in the opposite direction, I've learned to obey the quiet "feeling" I get telling me what to do. This is the Holy Spirit, I know. It told me to not go to India for Christmas, but instead wait for a missions trip in the future. Turns out, the girl I was to go with bailed and I wouldn't have had a travel buddy. Then, I felt that it was the wrong time for teaching in France, even if it was a short, two-month contract. I got a phone call that week from my sister saying she was engaged(!) and would I be the Maid of Honor/make her dress/help plan her wedding for July - thank you, Holy Spirit for speaking, and God, for making me sensitive to it!
If I think of any more random changes I've undergone, perhaps I'll post a "part 2."
For now, happy living-out-of-the-States anniversary to me!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Overcast Skies and White Queens
This morning's weather was overcast and moody. The air was somewhat warm, but there was a chilly breeze. Almost how I imagine Washington state would be. You know it's daytime only because of your watch, not because the Sun betrays its hiding place.
The day went surprisingly quickly. I didn't have time to be bored in class. Not really, at least. Some parts of the day drag for me. Usually, it's the space between 11:15-12:30 (bookwork and reading with the 6-year-olds), and my second afternoon class. 4:50-5:50. We have less material to cover and I try to spread it out so I don't get conned into playing games half of the time. I want to be a good teacher as well as a fun one. A class of only games doesn't benefit anyone. (Unless the games are educational.) I disguise learning vocabulary as hangman. I let them look at the list of words for a few seconds, to get an idea or hint of what the answers would be, then we play with the least. Each students gets a few words and then we discuss them and make sentences. Points are awarded some days (and some days the point system seems silly, so we skip that.) It's cute when they get excited about playing hangman. They have no clue they're learning ^_^
Two weeks and three days.
Since I'm thinking of it, I want to share something that is a great blessing. And something, mom, that I know you'll be proud of.
It's been my goal to teach all of my students about one of my favorite book series, The Chronicles of Narnia. I revised the story for easier comprehension on the my older students' monthly tests. They've come to appreciate the story and actually look forward to what happens next. One boy missed a test and he asked to see the passage so he could catch up on the plot.
I accidentally ordered a children's/comic book version of the The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. I meant to buy the paperback to give to a friend. For some reason, Amazon.com didn't specify that they were sending me a picture book with an abridged story. I thought it was useless until I realized how great it was to share with the 6-year-olds.
I read the books to them periodically over the last month. They were enthralled. This story captivates people. It's so powerful. But of course it would be - the story of Jesus, told in any manner is thrilling. So here were these children, gathered around and sitting up on their knees to understand the story more fully. 'What happened to Aslan?'
'Is the Witch bad?'
'Margy Teacher, what is 'stone'?'
'What boy has the sword?'
When I got to the part where Aslan dies, they were almost in tears. Their little faces knotted with worry. Then I turned the page and he was alive again - such relief and happiness! Every time I would close the book to continue with the day, they would sit there, a little stunned, trying to let it all sink in. Then the questions would flood again.
Today, after lunch, I returned to the classroom to find them huddled in two different groups. One circle of children had Sandy at the center and she was booming commands in her precocious English. She turned to me and said, 'I'm the White Queen, Margy Teacher! And they're all dead!!'
A little gruesome, I know, but it struck a chord with me. My little students loved this story so much that they were playing it when I wasn't in the room!
I was able to tell them that Aslan was like Jesus. Max goes to church with his family and so could chime in and explain who Jesus was. They let this sink in as well. I only hope that they'll remember these books and read the whole series when they grow and learn more English. I hope that they're intrigued by C.S. Lewis and want to know more of the author's works; maybe then they'll turn to the inspiration for the books. Oh, I hope I've done something good.
The day went surprisingly quickly. I didn't have time to be bored in class. Not really, at least. Some parts of the day drag for me. Usually, it's the space between 11:15-12:30 (bookwork and reading with the 6-year-olds), and my second afternoon class. 4:50-5:50. We have less material to cover and I try to spread it out so I don't get conned into playing games half of the time. I want to be a good teacher as well as a fun one. A class of only games doesn't benefit anyone. (Unless the games are educational.) I disguise learning vocabulary as hangman. I let them look at the list of words for a few seconds, to get an idea or hint of what the answers would be, then we play with the least. Each students gets a few words and then we discuss them and make sentences. Points are awarded some days (and some days the point system seems silly, so we skip that.) It's cute when they get excited about playing hangman. They have no clue they're learning ^_^
Two weeks and three days.
Since I'm thinking of it, I want to share something that is a great blessing. And something, mom, that I know you'll be proud of.
It's been my goal to teach all of my students about one of my favorite book series, The Chronicles of Narnia. I revised the story for easier comprehension on the my older students' monthly tests. They've come to appreciate the story and actually look forward to what happens next. One boy missed a test and he asked to see the passage so he could catch up on the plot.
I accidentally ordered a children's/comic book version of the The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. I meant to buy the paperback to give to a friend. For some reason, Amazon.com didn't specify that they were sending me a picture book with an abridged story. I thought it was useless until I realized how great it was to share with the 6-year-olds.
I read the books to them periodically over the last month. They were enthralled. This story captivates people. It's so powerful. But of course it would be - the story of Jesus, told in any manner is thrilling. So here were these children, gathered around and sitting up on their knees to understand the story more fully. 'What happened to Aslan?'
'Is the Witch bad?'
'Margy Teacher, what is 'stone'?'
'What boy has the sword?'
When I got to the part where Aslan dies, they were almost in tears. Their little faces knotted with worry. Then I turned the page and he was alive again - such relief and happiness! Every time I would close the book to continue with the day, they would sit there, a little stunned, trying to let it all sink in. Then the questions would flood again.
Today, after lunch, I returned to the classroom to find them huddled in two different groups. One circle of children had Sandy at the center and she was booming commands in her precocious English. She turned to me and said, 'I'm the White Queen, Margy Teacher! And they're all dead!!'
A little gruesome, I know, but it struck a chord with me. My little students loved this story so much that they were playing it when I wasn't in the room!
I was able to tell them that Aslan was like Jesus. Max goes to church with his family and so could chime in and explain who Jesus was. They let this sink in as well. I only hope that they'll remember these books and read the whole series when they grow and learn more English. I hope that they're intrigued by C.S. Lewis and want to know more of the author's works; maybe then they'll turn to the inspiration for the books. Oh, I hope I've done something good.
Friday, February 10, 2012
3 weeks
It snowed the other evening. Snow never sticks around for very long. The days are usually sunny and melt it away. This is the view from my window.
On my way to work one morning. The construction has been never-ending.
Some mischievous boys chasing each other in the street.
A glance behind me as I walk to work.
Alex. A little blurry because he's difficult to pin down. He makes jokes and speaks in one-word sentences because he's too lazy to say a complete thought. Look at those shifty eyes...what a booger.
Maxadillion. This guy is the best little student. Always ready with the correct answer. Sweet, affectionate, likes to make all his friends laugh, always laughing himself.
Izzy. She has a chipmunk-y voice and a thick tongue while speaking. A bit difficult to understand because she takes a while finding the right words, but still very cute.
Jonathan. Actually his name is Johnny and one day I called him that to irk him. His face doesn't always display the correct emotion. This is supposed to be a happy smile here, but I think it comes across as threatening ^_^
There's his normal, inquisitive face
Sandy-dandy! My smart girl. She's a mouth, bossy, a leader, a fun, kind kid. I love her.
Mr. zen Sun. We always sing "Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun..." at him. He likes to surprise us once in a while by being goofy, but he's mostly solemn and pensive.
The giggly girl. Candy-dandy. She doesn't talk as much as she ought. She knows a lot more English than she lets on. Sometimes, a thought will strike her and she'll chatter away, usually when I'm too busy to listen. I have to stop myself and try to take in the chatty moments.
The most surprising thing about Jade is her deep voice. I think she has the most beautiful eyes. She is so loving, always hugging onto my legs. I wish she would speak more because she has a fun personality. I think she doesn't talk because she's shy and can't find the words in her small vocabulary.
Christina. The beauty queen. Oh gracious, she's going to be a heart-breaker someday. She has such a tender heart. The other day, she was being a little too helpful and trying to get everyone in line - only she was pushing everybody. As punishment, she had to sit out of one run-through of graduation practice. She sat in a chair, facing everyone, just crushed that she couldn't join in on the dancing. After it was over, I went to talk to her and she crumbled. Poor thing; she feels so deeply. I think I can understand that about her because I'm the same way...
Jake-a-doo! My newest student. He was living in America for two years so he's a little prodigy, speaking fluent "American." It was shocking at first to listen to him speak next to my "Korean" students. Shy at first, but as you can tell by the smirk, he's a goober.
David-dee. He's finally talking. When he first arrived, he barely any English. He couldn't form the words. Now, his favorite joke is to tell me how big my bum is. Seriously. It's an everyday occurrence.
Second-to-the-newest. I think Bryan arrived in November. He quickly blended in with my class. He's a bit rambunctious for my taste, but he's a sweet boy. Always, I'm reprimanding, "Bryan, sit down." "Bryan, sit still." "Please be quiet, Bryan." He likes to talk over me when I'm giving a lesson.
And...here's an example of his behavior.
Alex, realized that I was taking a picture and wanted to show off his best side.
Looks sneaky, yes? Those eyes...haha
Pretty girl.
Monday, February 6, 2012
a post which will continue for too long
I have been inspired recently, about going computer-free (or spending less time on the computer.) What did I do with my time before I had the internet at my fingertips? Sure, the last time I remember it clearly was when I was 8 years old, running around outdoors, building forts, and playing with the neighbors, because I barely knew what "the internet" was.
No, I take that back. The most recent internet-free time in my life was two summers ago when I working at Southern Appalachian Repertory Theatre in the mountains. I adore the mountains, so who would want to waste their time on a machine when you have a breath-taking view and beautiful weather to enjoy?
This time found me without internet because there simply wasn't wireless in my apartment, or I couldn't access it, or I wasn't keen on hunting down an ethernet cord. Whatever the dilemma, I was lacking, and yet, perfectly content. I had a cell phone and made calls/sent texts to friends and family. I had my guitar and a notebook, and played for hours. I hung out with friends in their apartments. I went for long walks in the warm evenings. I played volleyball with the kids from Barnardsville. I remember my time so vividly because I was really connected to it. I was enjoying every single breath because I was living my life. I wasn't watching other people's lives play out on a newsfeed; every minute detail that nobody really cares to hear about, ticking past. When a life is spattered all over a screen, it loses flavor and tangibility.
I've been at fault for this. My life looks just the way I want it to on facebook. On my blog. Everything is selected or deselected to my liking. I can untag myself from unflattering photos. I can be whoever I want to be on the internet.
Not so in real life. There are words we can't take back. Bad hair days we can't untag. Conversations we can't suddenly go offline for.
I'm realizing more how valuable time is. This year has been frightfully fleeting. These last three weeks I want to experience fully.
I have no regrets, for keeping this blog or staying in touch with my family and friends. You are all so important to me. I want to still be in your lives so that I can come back to the States and be there for you - so we can pick up where we left off. I want to let you know that I am available and my time is yours so that you can be blessed. I will, however, move forward with a larger understanding of how life should be lived. It's bigger than a profile picture, wider than a newsfeed, and deeper than a computer screen.
Go live life.
Go read.
Draw.
Sing.
Dance.
Talk to someone you care about.
Talk to someone you've never met.
Listen to music.
Create music.
Run.
Walk.
Swim.
Learn a new craft or skill.
Read, read, read.
Did I mention, read?
I've been able to sink my teeth into some great stories since I've been here. I'm finally becoming the person I've always wanted to be. I can take the time to get lost in a book and then emerge with new ideas to share with others. To be a reader - - it's just...satisfying. And then again, not, because when you're done with a book, you're hungry for another. Also, you can find people who have read the same book and share your thoughts (and this is exciting to discover, especially if you don't read what's popular - you can find a kindred-reader!)
There's that saying,
"Great people talk about ideas.
Average people talk about things.
Small people talk about other people."
Now, we can't always just talk about ideas. It is necessary to talk about things. If you have an errand to run, or a question for someone - it might involve discussing inanimate objects, like cars, food, or clothes. Sometimes, friends need to vent about feelings and this involves talking about other people. True, it's difficult to avoid this. But do you really want to be someone that always talks about other people? This loops back around to the facebook thing. It's a "social network," right? It's people wanting to see others and be seen. People needing information on other people, needing to let others know about them, as well. It's small.
Talk about ideas. Think about something bigger than yourself and your computer screen.
No, I take that back. The most recent internet-free time in my life was two summers ago when I working at Southern Appalachian Repertory Theatre in the mountains. I adore the mountains, so who would want to waste their time on a machine when you have a breath-taking view and beautiful weather to enjoy?
This time found me without internet because there simply wasn't wireless in my apartment, or I couldn't access it, or I wasn't keen on hunting down an ethernet cord. Whatever the dilemma, I was lacking, and yet, perfectly content. I had a cell phone and made calls/sent texts to friends and family. I had my guitar and a notebook, and played for hours. I hung out with friends in their apartments. I went for long walks in the warm evenings. I played volleyball with the kids from Barnardsville. I remember my time so vividly because I was really connected to it. I was enjoying every single breath because I was living my life. I wasn't watching other people's lives play out on a newsfeed; every minute detail that nobody really cares to hear about, ticking past. When a life is spattered all over a screen, it loses flavor and tangibility.
I've been at fault for this. My life looks just the way I want it to on facebook. On my blog. Everything is selected or deselected to my liking. I can untag myself from unflattering photos. I can be whoever I want to be on the internet.
Not so in real life. There are words we can't take back. Bad hair days we can't untag. Conversations we can't suddenly go offline for.
I'm realizing more how valuable time is. This year has been frightfully fleeting. These last three weeks I want to experience fully.
I have no regrets, for keeping this blog or staying in touch with my family and friends. You are all so important to me. I want to still be in your lives so that I can come back to the States and be there for you - so we can pick up where we left off. I want to let you know that I am available and my time is yours so that you can be blessed. I will, however, move forward with a larger understanding of how life should be lived. It's bigger than a profile picture, wider than a newsfeed, and deeper than a computer screen.
Go live life.
Go read.
Draw.
Sing.
Dance.
Talk to someone you care about.
Talk to someone you've never met.
Listen to music.
Create music.
Run.
Walk.
Swim.
Learn a new craft or skill.
Read, read, read.
Did I mention, read?
I've been able to sink my teeth into some great stories since I've been here. I'm finally becoming the person I've always wanted to be. I can take the time to get lost in a book and then emerge with new ideas to share with others. To be a reader - - it's just...satisfying. And then again, not, because when you're done with a book, you're hungry for another. Also, you can find people who have read the same book and share your thoughts (and this is exciting to discover, especially if you don't read what's popular - you can find a kindred-reader!)
There's that saying,
"Great people talk about ideas.
Average people talk about things.
Small people talk about other people."
Now, we can't always just talk about ideas. It is necessary to talk about things. If you have an errand to run, or a question for someone - it might involve discussing inanimate objects, like cars, food, or clothes. Sometimes, friends need to vent about feelings and this involves talking about other people. True, it's difficult to avoid this. But do you really want to be someone that always talks about other people? This loops back around to the facebook thing. It's a "social network," right? It's people wanting to see others and be seen. People needing information on other people, needing to let others know about them, as well. It's small.
Talk about ideas. Think about something bigger than yourself and your computer screen.
Friday, February 3, 2012
More pain
I've had a lot of muscle pain off and on since October with my sprained hip flexor. On top of that, I've caught every cold possible this winter due to little snuffly children and cold weather. Yesterday, I realized how much my shouldering was bothering me. It felt like a nasty knotted muscle; the pain spread into my neck and gave me a few pinches in my right temple. I went to the acupuncturist and he mentioned something about a herniated disc in my neck????? Eesh. I don't need this right now. I really don't. The pain gets in my way of enjoying these last few weeks with my students. I've been cranky. I just want some relief.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Dreams
Mine have been so vivid the past couple of nights. My mom is always berating me about discussing my dream life, saying, "You put too much stock in your dreams...!" Ok, ok. There was a time when I was trying to analyze every single dream and I was a little obsessed. It's not the dream we should worship, but the Dream-giver. I get it. But God did use dreams as a way to speak to people. He still does, I'm sure. I just need to pray for the wisdom to discern between his voice and undigested dinner.
This one has stuck with me though: Twice in the last few months I've dreamed about our family friends, the Martin Family. Not sure why - but I'll be sure to pray. Grace, I know you read this from time to time, so you'll be surprised to know that in my dream, Hope was fluent in Korean! And so was the rest of your family ^_^
The next part of my dream I was having open heart surgery. Probably from watching too many medical dramas. Or...it reminds me of that verse: Take from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."
Finally, I dreamed about getting two more tattoos. In my dream (and in waking life, too) they were some that I had been planning and I wanted something specific. Split to after the tattoos are completed, and I'm admiring my forearm and hand (because for some reason, that's where they ended up) and I thought, "Well shoot, this was not what I wanted at all!" After examining them for a bit, I said, "Ah well - - no use crying over it" and actually appreciated them for their beauty, and forgot about my original ideas, that I had worked so hard to plan out.
This one has stuck with me though: Twice in the last few months I've dreamed about our family friends, the Martin Family. Not sure why - but I'll be sure to pray. Grace, I know you read this from time to time, so you'll be surprised to know that in my dream, Hope was fluent in Korean! And so was the rest of your family ^_^
The next part of my dream I was having open heart surgery. Probably from watching too many medical dramas. Or...it reminds me of that verse: Take from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."
Finally, I dreamed about getting two more tattoos. In my dream (and in waking life, too) they were some that I had been planning and I wanted something specific. Split to after the tattoos are completed, and I'm admiring my forearm and hand (because for some reason, that's where they ended up) and I thought, "Well shoot, this was not what I wanted at all!" After examining them for a bit, I said, "Ah well - - no use crying over it" and actually appreciated them for their beauty, and forgot about my original ideas, that I had worked so hard to plan out.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
feverish. again.
Not going to church today, even though I'm supposed to help with the music. I can't shake this getting-sick-every-weekend thing! I'm thoroughly sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can't feel guilty. Just because most of Korea continues to battle through sickness, doesn't mean that I have to. Someone mentioned recently that this was a kind of culture shock for me. That I felt I needed to tough it out just because everyone else around me does. If it's the weekend and I can stay home and rest, then I darn well better do it! God knows I still love him and I don't have to go to church to prove it.
Ok. I'm done. I was just giving myself a little pep-talk.
Ok. I'm done. I was just giving myself a little pep-talk.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
5 Weeks
I promise not every post from now on will be counting down the weeks. It's just that I still can't wrap my mind around it! This is my own way of hitting myself over the head so as to fully comprehend.
I'm looking forward to going back to these things:
-Seeing my family
-Eating that nasty, delicious, box-mix cake with Betty Crocker icing
-Eating real pizza
-Baking anything I want in an oven
-Shopping at Target/Wal-Mart/or any other large store where I will be drowning in English
-Visiting ECU, NYC, Asheville, and Florida friends, which means LOTS of roadtripping (that's not even a word, but I just made it one. BAM)
-Driving
-Hugging lots of people (that I know, of course; unless I feel extra friendly and grab a couple of strangers...)
-Warmer weather
-Planning my sister's wedding
-Seeing what God has planned next
Things I'm sad to leave behind:
-My students. Namely, Max and Alex Kim, Jade, Christina, Sandy, Sun, David, Candy, and Johnny
-That I don't have to pay for gasoline, a car payment, or insurance
-That I don't have to pay for rent
-Downtown Gwangju/the shopping/the moseying/the bright lights and festival feeling you get when walking down the alleyways at nights. It's not as sketch as it sounds, I swear...
-First Nepal
-Taking a jog wherever I want to go, and feeling totally comfortable, any time of day, then when I'm worn out, just hopping on a bus back home
-Bus #98, 95, 01, 06, 50, 25, and 27. These are my lifelines of travel
-4D movies. Yes, 4D. This means, you wear glasses for the 3D effect, and then your seat moves like a ride in Disney world
-MDream and all the amazing kids there - this is now synonymous with the song "Party Rock Anthem" - shuffling will forever be dear to my heart
-Speaking what little Korean I know. There's really no need to use it again where I live since I don't know many Koreans from home
-Not having to make small talk with strangers during daily activities; being totally anonymous in public
I'm sure I'll think of more things and then I'll just make another post detailing the things I missed.
Yep. 5 weeks.
I'm looking forward to going back to these things:
-Seeing my family
-Eating that nasty, delicious, box-mix cake with Betty Crocker icing
-Eating real pizza
-Baking anything I want in an oven
-Shopping at Target/Wal-Mart/or any other large store where I will be drowning in English
-Visiting ECU, NYC, Asheville, and Florida friends, which means LOTS of roadtripping (that's not even a word, but I just made it one. BAM)
-Driving
-Hugging lots of people (that I know, of course; unless I feel extra friendly and grab a couple of strangers...)
-Warmer weather
-Planning my sister's wedding
-Seeing what God has planned next
Things I'm sad to leave behind:
-My students. Namely, Max and Alex Kim, Jade, Christina, Sandy, Sun, David, Candy, and Johnny
-That I don't have to pay for gasoline, a car payment, or insurance
-That I don't have to pay for rent
-Downtown Gwangju/the shopping/the moseying/the bright lights and festival feeling you get when walking down the alleyways at nights. It's not as sketch as it sounds, I swear...
-First Nepal
-Taking a jog wherever I want to go, and feeling totally comfortable, any time of day, then when I'm worn out, just hopping on a bus back home
-Bus #98, 95, 01, 06, 50, 25, and 27. These are my lifelines of travel
-4D movies. Yes, 4D. This means, you wear glasses for the 3D effect, and then your seat moves like a ride in Disney world
-MDream and all the amazing kids there - this is now synonymous with the song "Party Rock Anthem" - shuffling will forever be dear to my heart
-Speaking what little Korean I know. There's really no need to use it again where I live since I don't know many Koreans from home
-Not having to make small talk with strangers during daily activities; being totally anonymous in public
I'm sure I'll think of more things and then I'll just make another post detailing the things I missed.
Yep. 5 weeks.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
6 Weeks
That's right, friends, family, and strangers who read this blog: I've got 42 days until I finish work ^_^ and that's not working days, that's THE WHOLE DARN THING.
I'm trying to help myself comprehend, so I took most of the art/junk down from my walls. They are bare now, and yet, I still can't believe I'm going to leave Korea. At the start of the year-long contract, it seemed to stretch on forever, Random things that got in the way and discouraged me made it seem like eternity. And now - - NOW, it's so soon! I've also gotten rid of a lot of clothes and extra things I've been accumulating but don't really need. I think I've booked almost every remaining weekend with a "to-do" or a trip with friends, so I won't be very good for packing near the end.
I'm looking forward to starting over (again.) Maybe it makes people uncomfortable to constantly be changing their surroundings, picking up and moving, but it's exciting for me. I really adore not having a lot of possessions so that I can pack a suitcase and head out. I like my belongings (or lack of) to reflect how unhindered I want to be in my mind. I want to rely only on God for the things I need, and by having fewer things, that's an opportunity for God to provide. I'm also more grateful for what I already have.
I'm not going to proofread this now. I need to run to work. Maybe this has a ton of grammatical/spelling/weird errors, but I'll look at that later. You'll understand what I'm trying to communicate, I'm sure.
I'm trying to help myself comprehend, so I took most of the art/junk down from my walls. They are bare now, and yet, I still can't believe I'm going to leave Korea. At the start of the year-long contract, it seemed to stretch on forever, Random things that got in the way and discouraged me made it seem like eternity. And now - - NOW, it's so soon! I've also gotten rid of a lot of clothes and extra things I've been accumulating but don't really need. I think I've booked almost every remaining weekend with a "to-do" or a trip with friends, so I won't be very good for packing near the end.
I'm looking forward to starting over (again.) Maybe it makes people uncomfortable to constantly be changing their surroundings, picking up and moving, but it's exciting for me. I really adore not having a lot of possessions so that I can pack a suitcase and head out. I like my belongings (or lack of) to reflect how unhindered I want to be in my mind. I want to rely only on God for the things I need, and by having fewer things, that's an opportunity for God to provide. I'm also more grateful for what I already have.
I'm not going to proofread this now. I need to run to work. Maybe this has a ton of grammatical/spelling/weird errors, but I'll look at that later. You'll understand what I'm trying to communicate, I'm sure.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
of children and their humor
I've started counting down the weeks. It's something like 7 now, until my last day of work. SEVEN. WHAT. I can remember not being able to fathom living for a year, a whole year in Korea. And now it's almost at an end. It hasn't quite hit me, the sadness I might feel upon leaving. I keep trying to enjoy each day with all of my students. I know that people would say, "It's just a job," or "I have over 100 students and I know maybe 10 or their names!" But the cool thing about working for my hagwon, is that I can get to know all of my students on a very personal level. I know all their names, most of their Korean names, and each of their personalities. We have such an excellent time, laughing, learning, and laughing some more.
I wish I had a camera-man to follow me around and make this into a reality TV show. I get such a kick out of my 6-year-old students. Their senses of humor is a little predictable, but priceless. They enjoy puns and inside jokes. Their biggest obsession (and has been for quite a while now,) is telling me how big my bum is. I know. Totally inappropriate, right? But what can you do, with a bunch of little kiddos, who are right at bum-level, and my rear is larger than most Korean women's...? I let them have their fun, teasing me and making jokes about how "Margy Teacher has a big bum;" they laugh and laugh, thinking they're so clever. I keep telling them, "You can tell me that, because I think it's funny, but don't ever say that to anyone else. EVER." I don't know if they've grasped the concept that not everyone wants a large derriere.
I wish I had a camera-man to follow me around and make this into a reality TV show. I get such a kick out of my 6-year-old students. Their senses of humor is a little predictable, but priceless. They enjoy puns and inside jokes. Their biggest obsession (and has been for quite a while now,) is telling me how big my bum is. I know. Totally inappropriate, right? But what can you do, with a bunch of little kiddos, who are right at bum-level, and my rear is larger than most Korean women's...? I let them have their fun, teasing me and making jokes about how "Margy Teacher has a big bum;" they laugh and laugh, thinking they're so clever. I keep telling them, "You can tell me that, because I think it's funny, but don't ever say that to anyone else. EVER." I don't know if they've grasped the concept that not everyone wants a large derriere.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Crave Photography Giveaway
Let's talk photography for a minute:
I have a beautiful camera that I love carting around, when I get the chance. However, I feel at a loss sometimes - there's so much that I don't know about photography! I can sense that I have a style...when I look through my recent photos, there's a way that I like to edit them...all that to say, I know that there is potential!
Here's a giveaway I stumbled across on facebook - Crave Photography looks pretty awesome ^_^ Check them out, and enter the contest yourself, if it suits you. http://cravemyphotography.com/blog/
I have a beautiful camera that I love carting around, when I get the chance. However, I feel at a loss sometimes - there's so much that I don't know about photography! I can sense that I have a style...when I look through my recent photos, there's a way that I like to edit them...all that to say, I know that there is potential!
Here's a giveaway I stumbled across on facebook - Crave Photography looks pretty awesome ^_^ Check them out, and enter the contest yourself, if it suits you. http://cravemyphotography.com/blog/
a little face lift
Did you know that although many people in Korea shun tattoos (on the flip side, they are becoming more accepted - - slowly) the women here get them on their FACES. As in, they tattoo their hairline, to make it appear fuller, their eyebrows for the same reason, and eyeliner along the edge of their eyelids. I mean, WHAT. Why did I not know this?! Korea never ceases to surprise, and sometimes shock me.
I decided to revamp my blog a little. I was getting tired of the clutter on the page, the background of some random, generic pottery, that everyone uses on blogspot, in order to look somewhat ethnic/cultured/like a world traveler. I was motivated by some blogs hipster blogs I happened upon. I was stumbling across several delightful blogs and here's a group of sisters:
http://mycakies.blogspot.com/
http://reinnasaurus.blogspot.com/
http://richellephant.blogspot.com/
The first is a strikingly beautiful lady with four children. Four little babies that look so sweet! I don't know why I'm gushing about some blog that I found - perhaps I was enamored with how her lifestyle is portrayed through the beautiful photographs adorning her site. She mentioned a sister, whose link I followed, and that sister mentioned another sister...All of their blogs are adorable, and they all have pretty sweet taste. The coolest thing about them, is they love Jesus! That's encouraging...to run across people that love the Lord so much that they don't mind writing all about him on a blog. Maybe some people think this is ridiculous - that's ok. I think it's refreshing; it's inspiring to read through other people's experiences with God, and their journeys in serving him.
Speaking of being inspired, I reconnected with an old friend recently, and it was amazing to hear how God has been drawing him closer, and instilling a crazy, insatiable hunger. I get so excited when I hear others' stories. It doesn't always have to be a "lightning-strike" situation - but I like knowing how God leads them and the visions he puts on their hearts. I'm reminded of a few things that God has been showing me recently. I'll bullet them for the little OCD girl in me:
+ Eat the scroll - this was mainly from Ezekiel (and a little from Revelation) about being called to speak God's word. There is such a thing as prophets, this day in age. However, I feel that God hasn't called me to necessarily speak of the future (you know Isaiah and Jeremiah, those guys that foretold things about Jesus) but more just speaking God's word, speaking his truth, and being bold. Not being afraid to let my tongue be occupied with the Lord's words. Before I can know what to say, or be equipped in doing God's work, I need to eat, sleep, breathe, read, ingest the Word. This was a strange concept to me: eat the scroll. But the more time passes, the more it seems normal. Want to know all about the loving savior of the world? Well, duh. Read about him and know him more. Let his words go to your innermost parts, let them sink in and nourish your starved soul.
+ Don't be afraid - this phrase kept popping up when I was reading through Isaiah recently. For a few days, everything I was reading was "Don't worry," "Don't be afraid," "Take heart," "Take Courage," or "Be Courageous." This is difficult for me to grasp. Why, suddenly, is God telling me not to fear? Should I be wary of being afraid when I have to change cultures again in a couple of months? Will I be afraid of doing what God would have me do? Am I going to cower in fear and self-doubt at the tasks set before me? I'm not even sure of everything that I'm supposed to do in the near future, but I have a feeling that it's going to require more of me than what I possess. That's fine. As long as I know that's it's not in my strength, and that God is the reason anything I do works out at all.
+ Get your eyes off yourself. This whole time (or most of the time) that I've been in Korea, it's been a giant wrestling match with God. "God, what can I do to make my time here worthwhile? How can I better myself? How can I improve my health, my body, my mind, my social skills, the types of relationships I have, the company I keep? Me, me, me, me, me." It's kind of disgusting, when I think about it. It wasn't until my hip totally gave out and I had to stop devoting 10+ hours a week to running a half-marathon, did I realize that it's not about me. It never was. My life that I'm building now...now that university is finished and I have a degree in my back pocket, I'm not tied to anything. I did my four-years time. I now have a piece of paper that qualifies me for most jobs. But most importantly, I don't have to feel held back - I may not be a qualified business woman, but if God wants to use me in an administrative position, he'll give me the tools and wise counselors to help me. Sometimes I doubt myself and feel insecure, that somehow I won't live up to everything I can be - - except, I'm not able to fathom everything God can have me be. He wants to use me, but there's a catch: it's not using me to further myself. I'm being used to further his kingdom. And that's the kind of using I don't mind at all.
I decided to revamp my blog a little. I was getting tired of the clutter on the page, the background of some random, generic pottery, that everyone uses on blogspot, in order to look somewhat ethnic/cultured/like a world traveler. I was motivated by some blogs hipster blogs I happened upon. I was stumbling across several delightful blogs and here's a group of sisters:
http://mycakies.blogspot.com/
http://reinnasaurus.blogspot.com/
http://richellephant.blogspot.com/
The first is a strikingly beautiful lady with four children. Four little babies that look so sweet! I don't know why I'm gushing about some blog that I found - perhaps I was enamored with how her lifestyle is portrayed through the beautiful photographs adorning her site. She mentioned a sister, whose link I followed, and that sister mentioned another sister...All of their blogs are adorable, and they all have pretty sweet taste. The coolest thing about them, is they love Jesus! That's encouraging...to run across people that love the Lord so much that they don't mind writing all about him on a blog. Maybe some people think this is ridiculous - that's ok. I think it's refreshing; it's inspiring to read through other people's experiences with God, and their journeys in serving him.
Speaking of being inspired, I reconnected with an old friend recently, and it was amazing to hear how God has been drawing him closer, and instilling a crazy, insatiable hunger. I get so excited when I hear others' stories. It doesn't always have to be a "lightning-strike" situation - but I like knowing how God leads them and the visions he puts on their hearts. I'm reminded of a few things that God has been showing me recently. I'll bullet them for the little OCD girl in me:
+ Eat the scroll - this was mainly from Ezekiel (and a little from Revelation) about being called to speak God's word. There is such a thing as prophets, this day in age. However, I feel that God hasn't called me to necessarily speak of the future (you know Isaiah and Jeremiah, those guys that foretold things about Jesus) but more just speaking God's word, speaking his truth, and being bold. Not being afraid to let my tongue be occupied with the Lord's words. Before I can know what to say, or be equipped in doing God's work, I need to eat, sleep, breathe, read, ingest the Word. This was a strange concept to me: eat the scroll. But the more time passes, the more it seems normal. Want to know all about the loving savior of the world? Well, duh. Read about him and know him more. Let his words go to your innermost parts, let them sink in and nourish your starved soul.
+ Don't be afraid - this phrase kept popping up when I was reading through Isaiah recently. For a few days, everything I was reading was "Don't worry," "Don't be afraid," "Take heart," "Take Courage," or "Be Courageous." This is difficult for me to grasp. Why, suddenly, is God telling me not to fear? Should I be wary of being afraid when I have to change cultures again in a couple of months? Will I be afraid of doing what God would have me do? Am I going to cower in fear and self-doubt at the tasks set before me? I'm not even sure of everything that I'm supposed to do in the near future, but I have a feeling that it's going to require more of me than what I possess. That's fine. As long as I know that's it's not in my strength, and that God is the reason anything I do works out at all.
+ Get your eyes off yourself. This whole time (or most of the time) that I've been in Korea, it's been a giant wrestling match with God. "God, what can I do to make my time here worthwhile? How can I better myself? How can I improve my health, my body, my mind, my social skills, the types of relationships I have, the company I keep? Me, me, me, me, me." It's kind of disgusting, when I think about it. It wasn't until my hip totally gave out and I had to stop devoting 10+ hours a week to running a half-marathon, did I realize that it's not about me. It never was. My life that I'm building now...now that university is finished and I have a degree in my back pocket, I'm not tied to anything. I did my four-years time. I now have a piece of paper that qualifies me for most jobs. But most importantly, I don't have to feel held back - I may not be a qualified business woman, but if God wants to use me in an administrative position, he'll give me the tools and wise counselors to help me. Sometimes I doubt myself and feel insecure, that somehow I won't live up to everything I can be - - except, I'm not able to fathom everything God can have me be. He wants to use me, but there's a catch: it's not using me to further myself. I'm being used to further his kingdom. And that's the kind of using I don't mind at all.
Monday, January 2, 2012
the first post of 2012
Happy 2012!! I'm so excited for this new year - so much will happen, I can feel it!
I went back to work today after more than a week off for Christmas break. I am so sorry to be a downer about this, but that was absolutely one of the worst holiday seasons I've ever had. It was brightened considerably by spending it with KatieMichael, but that doesn't change the fact that I had bronchitis, had to go to the hospital, and was in a fevered haze for the first few days of vacation. Also, being away from my family was the pits. Thanksgiving wasn't so bad - - Thanksgiving is certainly nice to have with family, but it's nothing like Christmas. Christmas, I need my family.
I spent the rest of the week being bored and sick, and sleeping in order to feel better. I just adore having a purpose and feeling needed, so going back to work came at just the right time.
NOW - I get to process going home in two months, being separated from this little life that I've made myself here. The next few weeks will be filled with graduation preparation. My 6-year-old students will perform a skit and some songs that I put together...we'll see how that goes...
I went back to work today after more than a week off for Christmas break. I am so sorry to be a downer about this, but that was absolutely one of the worst holiday seasons I've ever had. It was brightened considerably by spending it with KatieMichael, but that doesn't change the fact that I had bronchitis, had to go to the hospital, and was in a fevered haze for the first few days of vacation. Also, being away from my family was the pits. Thanksgiving wasn't so bad - - Thanksgiving is certainly nice to have with family, but it's nothing like Christmas. Christmas, I need my family.
I spent the rest of the week being bored and sick, and sleeping in order to feel better. I just adore having a purpose and feeling needed, so going back to work came at just the right time.
NOW - I get to process going home in two months, being separated from this little life that I've made myself here. The next few weeks will be filled with graduation preparation. My 6-year-old students will perform a skit and some songs that I put together...we'll see how that goes...
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