Dreams

Mine have been so vivid the past couple of nights. My mom is always berating me about discussing my dream life, saying, "You put too much stock in your dreams...!" Ok, ok. There was a time when I was trying to analyze every single dream and I was a little obsessed. It's not the dream we should worship, but the Dream-giver. I get it. But God did use dreams as a way to speak to people. He still does, I'm sure. I just need to pray for the wisdom to discern between his voice and undigested dinner.

This one has stuck with me though: Twice in the last few months I've dreamed about our family friends, the Martin Family. Not sure why - but I'll be sure to pray. Grace, I know you read this from time to time, so you'll be surprised to know that in my dream, Hope was fluent in Korean! And so was the rest of your family ^_^

The next part of my dream I was having open heart surgery. Probably from watching too many medical dramas. Or...it reminds me of that verse: Take from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."

Finally, I dreamed about getting two more tattoos. In my dream (and in waking life, too) they were some that I had been planning and I wanted something specific. Split to after the tattoos are completed, and I'm admiring my forearm and hand (because for some reason, that's where they ended up) and I thought, "Well shoot, this was not what I wanted at all!" After examining them for a bit, I said, "Ah well - - no use crying over it" and actually appreciated them for their beauty, and forgot about my original ideas, that I had worked so hard to plan out.

feverish. again.

Not going to church today, even though I'm supposed to help with the music. I can't shake this getting-sick-every-weekend thing! I'm thoroughly sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can't feel guilty. Just because most of Korea continues to battle through sickness, doesn't mean that I have to. Someone mentioned recently that this was a kind of culture shock for me. That I felt I needed to tough it out just because everyone else around me does. If it's the weekend and I can stay home and rest, then I darn well better do it! God knows I still love him and I don't have to go to church to prove it.

Ok. I'm done. I was just giving myself a little pep-talk.

5 Weeks

I promise not every post from now on will be counting down the weeks. It's just that I still can't wrap my mind around it! This is my own way of hitting myself over the head so as to fully comprehend.

I'm looking forward to going back to these things:
-Seeing my family
-Eating that nasty, delicious, box-mix cake with Betty Crocker icing
-Eating real pizza
-Baking anything I want in an oven
-Shopping at Target/Wal-Mart/or any other large store where I will be drowning in English
-Visiting ECU, NYC, Asheville, and Florida friends, which means LOTS of roadtripping (that's not even a word, but I just made it one. BAM)
-Driving
-Hugging lots of people (that I know, of course; unless I feel extra friendly and grab a couple of strangers...)
-Warmer weather
-Planning my sister's wedding
-Seeing what God has planned next

Things I'm sad to leave behind:
-My students. Namely, Max and Alex Kim, Jade, Christina, Sandy, Sun, David, Candy, and Johnny
-That I don't have to pay for gasoline, a car payment, or insurance
-That I don't have to pay for rent
-Downtown Gwangju/the shopping/the moseying/the bright lights and festival feeling you get when walking down the alleyways at nights. It's not as sketch as it sounds, I swear...
-First Nepal
-Taking a jog wherever I want to go, and feeling totally comfortable, any time of day, then when I'm worn out, just hopping on a bus back home
-Bus #98,  95, 01, 06, 50, 25, and 27. These are my lifelines of travel
-4D movies. Yes, 4D. This means, you wear glasses for the 3D effect, and then your seat moves like a ride in Disney world
-MDream and all the amazing kids there - this is now synonymous with the song "Party Rock Anthem" - shuffling will forever be dear to my heart
-Speaking what little Korean I know. There's really no need to use it again where I live since I don't know many Koreans from home
-Not having to make small talk with strangers during daily activities; being totally anonymous in public

I'm sure I'll think of more things and then I'll just make another post detailing the things I missed.

Yep. 5 weeks.

6 Weeks

That's right, friends, family, and strangers who read this blog: I've got 42 days until I finish work ^_^ and that's not working days, that's THE WHOLE DARN THING.

I'm trying to help myself comprehend, so I took most of the art/junk down from my walls. They are bare now, and yet, I still can't believe I'm going to leave Korea. At the start of the year-long contract, it seemed to stretch on forever, Random things that got in the way and discouraged me made it seem like eternity. And now - - NOW, it's so soon! I've also gotten rid of a lot of clothes and extra things I've been accumulating but don't really need. I think I've booked almost every remaining weekend with a "to-do" or a trip with friends, so I won't be very good for packing near the end.

I'm looking forward to starting over (again.) Maybe it makes people uncomfortable to constantly be changing their surroundings, picking up and moving, but it's exciting for me. I really adore not having a lot of possessions so that I can pack a suitcase and head out. I like my belongings (or lack of) to reflect how unhindered I want to be in my mind. I want to rely only on God for the things I need, and by having fewer things, that's an opportunity for God to provide. I'm also more grateful for what I already have.

I'm not going to proofread this now. I need to run to work. Maybe this has a ton of grammatical/spelling/weird errors, but I'll look at that later. You'll understand what I'm trying to communicate, I'm sure.

of children and their humor

I've started counting down the weeks. It's something like 7 now, until my last day of work. SEVEN. WHAT. I can remember not being able to fathom living for a year, a whole year in Korea. And now it's almost at an end. It hasn't quite hit me, the sadness I might feel upon leaving. I keep trying to enjoy each day with all of my students. I know that people would say, "It's just a job," or "I have over 100 students and I know maybe 10 or their names!" But the cool thing about working for my hagwon, is that I can get to know all of my students on a very personal level. I know all their names, most of their Korean names, and each of their personalities. We have such an excellent time, laughing, learning, and laughing some more.

I wish I had a camera-man to follow me around and make this into a reality TV show. I get such a kick out of my 6-year-old students. Their senses of humor is a little predictable, but priceless. They enjoy puns and inside jokes. Their biggest obsession (and has been for quite a while now,) is telling me how big my bum is. I know. Totally inappropriate, right? But what can you do, with a bunch of little kiddos, who are right at bum-level, and my rear is larger than most Korean women's...? I let them have their fun, teasing me and making jokes about how "Margy Teacher has a big bum;" they  laugh and laugh, thinking they're so clever. I keep telling them, "You can tell me that, because I think it's funny, but don't ever say that to anyone else. EVER." I don't know if they've grasped the concept that not everyone wants a large derriere.

Crave Photography Giveaway

Let's talk photography for a minute:

I have a beautiful camera that I love carting around, when I get the chance. However, I feel at a loss sometimes - there's so much that I don't know about photography! I can sense that I have a style...when I look through my recent photos, there's a way that I like to edit them...all that to say, I know that there is potential!

Here's a giveaway I stumbled across on facebook - Crave Photography looks pretty awesome ^_^ Check them out, and enter the contest yourself, if it suits you. http://cravemyphotography.com/blog/

a little face lift

Did you know that although many people in Korea shun tattoos (on the flip side, they are becoming more accepted - - slowly) the women here get them on their FACES. As in, they tattoo their hairline, to make it appear fuller, their eyebrows for the same reason, and eyeliner along the edge of their eyelids. I mean, WHAT. Why did I not know this?! Korea never ceases to surprise, and sometimes shock me.

I decided to revamp my blog a little. I was getting tired of the clutter on the page, the background of some random, generic pottery, that everyone uses on blogspot, in order to look somewhat ethnic/cultured/like a world traveler. I was motivated by some blogs hipster blogs I happened upon. I was stumbling across several delightful blogs and here's a group of sisters:

http://mycakies.blogspot.com/
http://reinnasaurus.blogspot.com/
http://richellephant.blogspot.com/

The first is a strikingly beautiful lady with four children. Four little babies that look so sweet! I don't know why I'm gushing about some blog that I found - perhaps I was enamored with how her lifestyle is portrayed through the beautiful photographs adorning her site. She mentioned a sister, whose link I followed, and that sister mentioned another sister...All of their blogs are adorable, and they all have pretty sweet taste. The coolest thing about them, is they love Jesus! That's encouraging...to run across people that love the Lord so much that they don't mind writing all about him on a blog. Maybe some people think this is ridiculous - that's ok. I think it's refreshing; it's inspiring to read through other people's experiences with God, and their journeys in serving him.

Speaking of being inspired, I reconnected with an old friend recently, and it was amazing to hear how God has been drawing him closer, and instilling a crazy, insatiable hunger. I get so excited when I hear others' stories. It doesn't always have to be a "lightning-strike" situation - but I like knowing  how God leads them and the visions he puts on their hearts. I'm reminded of a few things that God has been showing me recently. I'll bullet them for the little OCD girl in me:

+ Eat the scroll - this was mainly from Ezekiel (and a little from Revelation) about being called to speak God's word. There is such a thing as prophets, this day in age. However, I feel that God hasn't called me to necessarily speak of the future (you know Isaiah and Jeremiah, those guys that foretold things about Jesus) but more just speaking God's word, speaking his truth, and being bold. Not being afraid to let my tongue be occupied with the Lord's words. Before I can know what to say, or be equipped in doing God's work, I need to eat, sleep, breathe, read, ingest the Word. This was a strange concept to me: eat the scroll. But the more time passes, the more it seems normal. Want to know all about the loving savior of the world? Well, duh. Read about him and know him more. Let his words go to your innermost parts, let them sink in and nourish your starved soul.
+ Don't be afraid - this phrase kept popping up when I was reading through Isaiah recently. For a few days, everything I was reading was "Don't worry," "Don't be afraid," "Take heart," "Take Courage," or "Be Courageous." This is difficult for me to grasp. Why, suddenly, is God telling me not to fear? Should I be wary of being afraid when I have to change cultures again in a couple of months? Will I be afraid of doing what God would have me do? Am I going to cower in fear and self-doubt at the tasks set before me? I'm not even sure of everything that I'm supposed to do in the near future, but I have a feeling that it's going to require more of me than what I possess. That's fine. As long as I know that's it's not in my strength, and that God is the reason anything I do works out at all.
+ Get your eyes off yourself. This whole time (or most of the time) that I've been in Korea, it's been a giant wrestling match with God. "God, what can I do to make my time here worthwhile? How can I better myself? How can I improve my health, my body, my mind, my social skills, the types of relationships I have, the company I keep? Me, me, me, me, me." It's kind of disgusting, when I think about it. It wasn't until my hip totally gave out and I had to stop devoting 10+ hours a week to running a half-marathon, did I realize that it's not about me. It never was. My life that I'm building now...now that university is finished and I have a degree in my back pocket, I'm not tied to anything. I did my four-years time. I now have a piece of paper that qualifies me for most jobs. But most importantly, I don't have to feel held back - I may not be a qualified business woman, but if God wants to use me in an administrative position, he'll give me the tools and wise counselors to help me. Sometimes I doubt myself and feel insecure, that somehow I won't live up to everything I can be - - except, I'm not able to fathom everything God can have me be. He wants to use me, but there's a catch: it's not using me to further myself. I'm being used to further his kingdom. And that's the kind of using I don't mind at all.

the first post of 2012

Happy 2012!! I'm so excited for this new year - so much will happen, I can feel it!

I went back to work today after more than a week off for Christmas break. I am so sorry to be a downer about this, but that was absolutely one of the worst holiday seasons I've ever had. It was brightened considerably by spending it with KatieMichael, but that doesn't change the fact that I had bronchitis, had to go to the hospital, and was in a fevered haze for the first few days of vacation. Also, being away from my family was the pits. Thanksgiving wasn't so bad - - Thanksgiving is certainly nice to have with family, but it's nothing like Christmas. Christmas, I need my family.

I spent the rest of the week being bored and sick, and sleeping in order to feel better. I just adore having a purpose and feeling needed, so going back to work came at just the right time.

NOW - I get to process going home in two months, being separated from this little life that I've made myself here. The next few weeks will be filled with graduation preparation. My 6-year-old students will perform a skit and some songs that I put together...we'll see how that goes...