Change

Metamorphosis.
Shift.
Renewal.

All of these things take time and strength. I might have survived this lengthy year abroad, putting in the time, but certainly, I'm not strong. If anything, these 365 days have been a reminder of how fragile I am.

I never knew how deeply I could feel-
hurt,
love,
disappointment,
and loneliness.

I didn't know I liked kids so darn much. They give me so much joy.

I didn't know working with orphans could bless me more than it blesses them.

I didn't know that I liked running.

I've come to terms with being half introverted, half extroverted. There's no shame in being a social hybrid.

I understand now, how important knowledge is to me, and with that, the expansion of one's mind. I don't mean to sound New Age; I mean, simply picking up a book is relaxing, exhilarating, and refreshing, all at the same time.

I found out that I can cook a few meals delightfully well.

I've come to know God on a more personal level. It's fewer "Dear Lord...thee, thine, doth, wilst thou...?" and "Hi God, so here's what happened today...thanks for         ...you're really wonderful for loving me and giving me all that I need." Prayer is a tricky thing for me, but I'm learning to open up and communicate; forcing myself to make good habits, in order to live a blessed and peaceful life.

I know now who my truest friends are. I don't say this to point a finger at anyone who fell out of touch with me, but rather to applaud everyone who found me worth the time and effort to call, write letters, chat with on facebook, or video chat with on skype and gmail. Family, friends - you are more dear to me than you realize. Relationships are precious.

I realized that I've caught the travel bug! I'm already planning roadtrips in the US when I return.

I found out that I like living with fewer possessions. Too many belongings make me feel claustrophobic. Simple and nomadic is the ideal lifestyle for me.

I have learned how to continue with a commitment, even when it's not fun or I don't see a huge benefit for myself. My church, specifically, has been a great place to be included. It's not been without wounded feelings or being misunderstood. Some days, I'd really rather not go. But I need to be committed to a body of believers. To serve even when I don't feel like it. As Joyce Meyer put it so concretely: "To live beyond what I feel."

In that same vein, but in the opposite direction, I've learned to obey the quiet "feeling" I get telling me what to do. This is the Holy Spirit, I know. It told me to not go to India for Christmas, but instead wait for a missions trip in the future. Turns out, the girl I was to go with bailed and I wouldn't have had a travel buddy. Then, I felt that it was the wrong time for teaching in France, even if it was a short, two-month contract. I got a phone call that week from my sister saying she was engaged(!) and would I be the Maid of Honor/make her dress/help plan her wedding for July - thank you, Holy Spirit for speaking, and God, for making me sensitive to it!

If I think of any more random changes I've undergone, perhaps I'll post a "part 2."

For now, happy living-out-of-the-States anniversary to me!