Priceless

I've Not Left Yet, Dear

Done, son.

Just shipped my contract and about 27 other important documents off to South Korea. This is going to be a crazy, bumpy, emotional ride. I'm ready, God!!

Ouvrez la Fenetre

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.


Matthew 7:7 and Luke 11:9-10


I don't speak French very well. I wish I did. I wish so badly that I was fluent. I even took a French 1001 class my last semester of college because I thought it would jumpstart me in the language. It did, but unless I keep it up some other way, all my puny knowledge of it with vanish.


When you're learning a language, your brain doesn't stop wanting to learn it. Class would come and go but sometimes I would get a word stuck in my head, like "ajourd-hui," which means "today." Another sign that your mind is trying desperately to pick it up is if you dream in that language.


Now, as I said before, I am by no means fluent - but I had an amazing dream a few months ago. I was making some long-term decisions about life after undergrad and feeling like I was floundering. When I had this dream that the phrase "Ouvrez la fenetre," (Open the window) was spoken, I felt like everything became clear. I think God was saying - "Just let go. Let that door close, let me open a window for you."

Shampoo Free

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2eFRU7/simplemom.net/how-to-clean-your-hair-without-shampoo/

Yes, this will happen. It is happening.

Finally!

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1EWAe4/www.vogueknitting.com/resources/stitchionary/knit_purl.aspx

A "stitchionary" of awesome knit stitches!

Songwriting

I have had this on replay all evening. I looked up the chords and realized why I like it: very similar to another favorite song of mine, "Little Lion Man" by Mumford and Sons. I want to write like this now.

My writing has become very simple. I used to use a lot of words and drawn out metaphors. Now I try to get to the heart of the matter, sooner. I haven't written regularly since the summer. I think I should start up again, since I don't have school as an excuse.

Bridge

I took an energetic walk in the woods this morning. No, not on the same trail where I accidentally gave an old man a Thanksgiving peep show (that's another story - see http://loveleighmuse.tumblr.com/post/1681712800/im-not-really-a-runner-i-jog-at-best-however) but another that runs behind my parents' neighborhood.

There were random clumps of dirty snow in the shady parts of the woods. It was mostly quiet, except for the sound of my traipsing about. A creek crept along nearby. I really love just walking by myself.

I thought I would pray and listen for God. I was hesitant to pray out loud, because with my luck, someone would happen upon me while I was babbling and then I would be thoroughly embarrassed. However, it was just quiet enough in the woods that I could hear my thoughts.

I asked God, "Show me something - say anything you want...!" I'm ashamed to say that I don't often sit still in His presence and wait for His voice. I make the excuse of having too much to do.

So I sat. And waited. Not very long either - which is good for my short attention span. "Bridge." God told me "Bridge."

I'm not really sure what He means. I mean, I know basically, generally what it means. I'm about to go to South Korea. I will be building a bridge to connect my life here in the states to my new life in SK. I'll help in the "construction" of a bridge for others to know Christ. Hopefully, I will remain strong in Him and be a light.

God, show me what to do.

Analyzed my blog with http://www.typealyzer.com/

And they hit the nail on the head!

ESFJ - The Socializers

The social and opinionated type. They are especially attuned to the feelings of themselves and others. They tend to be very aware of the values of their peer-group and tend to see things as either right or wrong, good or bad. They tend to be traditional and value their friends and family the most.

The Socializers are down-to-earth, practical people and very keen on making sure everyone is alright. This quality makes them enjoy social work places. Since they enjoy being and keeping things neat and tidy, they often also enjoy working in such environments.

Analysis

This graph displays dominant parts during the writing

Webcam adventures

This is what comes of spending the holidays at home, in a house that can't hold four daughters because three are visiting from college: two share a bedroom (and consequently, a bed) and are very silly.

I wonder if you think of me, even half as much as I think of you. It's been broken off for...I don't know, 3 months now? It feels like forever. And yet, you still come to mind. I kind of hate it. Because I don't necessarily think of all the reasons I'm not with you - how you're manipulative and have a warped moral system that I can't deal with. (I don't know, Readers, you tell me: is it normal to sleep in the same bed as your ex-girlfriend -broken up for a year, dated for 4- while pursuing another girl? I just didn't want to be in the middle of that mess.) How you allowed me to be trampled on by said ex-girlfriend, how you let another ex-girlfriend say mean, nasty things about me, which you then related to me. I just don't understand. A. Why all the hate? B. Why are all the ex-girlfriends still sniffing around and C. I'm not perfect and didn't handle everything right - but you sure as hell didn't handle things right either.

I remind myself to think of these things when I think of you. Otherwise, I just think of how I'm not with you. Which is weird, because I never thought you were good enough for me. To those that don't know you or me, that sounds terribly conceited. But, I mean, it's true. I am better-looking, funny, nicer, have a relationship with Jesus - we're from two entirely different universes. I don't know how else to put it.

I think I'm lonely. That's all. You were the last guy to wrap his arms around me and have this "unconditional love" look in your eyes. That's what I want. Not necessarily from you, but from somebody.

Now please, be so kind as to haunt someone else's thoughts.

Just receive an email from my sweet recruiter, Kate. I had some misgivings about the school (I'm about to contract with,) because of some negative reviews online. She assured me that these were false and most likely exaggerated because one teacher was fired for improper conduct. I am at ease. I think this job might work in my favor!

(a tea plantation in Gwangju. So pretty!)

Crafting

This is such a random blog - it does well to reflect my personality. I doubt I can be labeled ;-)

To keep myself busy during holiday break, I've been crafting up a storm. My roommate and I enjoy knitting, painting, collaging - if it's to be made, you can be sure we've had a try at it.

Here are some of the things that have occupied my time:

 I wanted to learn to bind a book. This is done with a scraggly Coptic Stitch. Now I know. I think it was a valiant first try. Perhaps I'll do another one while I'm home. I did decorate the front and back with random scraps of Dupioni silk.

A Christmas present to my 15-year-old baby sister. I have made quilts for my other two sisters in Christmas' past and the baby mentioned wanting to receive one herself. I had all these scraps of Dupioni left over from my work in the costume shop. It's kind of a modern log cabin design: diagonally sewn strips, then pieced together in squares to give a diamond effect. I think it's lovely. She adored the colors and I was happy to labor over it. Perhaps I shouldn't say 'labor.' It took me two days to put together :-P

I have no clue what I want this to be. Maybe a bag? There were scraps of vintage fabrics in short strips in my mom's closet and nothing was being done with them. I don't know why I've been quilting so much lately. I abhor attending to detail and a lot of my recent work has been tedious (and wrought with detail.) I probably chose things like this because it takes up more time. While I'm at home, all I have IS time.

Salivating for Europe

I want to visit England so badly! I wish that South Korea was a little closer to Europe. I doubt I'll be able to take a flight and go exploring through Ireland, Scotland, Spain, Italy and England this year. Maybe 2012? It needs to happen!

Documenting Mood Swings

Today, I feel very optimistic about living in South Korea. I just graduated from college and am making the transition from student to adult. In this period, I find myself racked with extreme anxiety and elation. I don't believe that I am bipolar, but I firmly believe in the power of hormones over my body, and also that I am acutely attune to my emotional feelings concerning change.

I was discussing this with a close friend yesterday. I asked if it was normal for me to freak out about living abroad one day and then feel totally ok with it the next. She told me, "Pooky-" she calls me that, "-it would be abnormal for you to feel no emotion about it. You just graduated. You need to allow yourself time to adjust to  this new way of life."

That's a relief. At least I'm semi-normal. Except, I doubt "normal" people pick up and move to the other side of the world just because they want to. Well, I have better reasons than that. Including sating my desire to travel, meeting new people and paying off student loans. 

Which I found out are not that outrageous (my loans, that is.) I did some random math on my loans and came up with a little over $23,000. That's not wholly bad for a state education, right?

I was pondering the matter a while ago - - about having received an education from a state school. Something most people would turn up their noses about. But I realized that I chose just the right school. After visiting several schools around North Carolina (private universities included), the school I decided on had the best program for what I wanted to do (costume design.) So really, I got the best of both worlds - great training in my area of expertise and less debt. I think.

After South Korea, I will have (hopefully) taken a chunk out of my debt. Because salary over there is roughly $24,000 a year. This is all very rough math.

Le sigh...

Well - authentication of my documents for my visa in South Korea is postponed a couple of days. I express mailed it to the Secretary of State, only to have is express mailed back to me saying that I don't have the proper notarization. So. I just wasted $30. And now I will spend another $30. So I will go to the bank again. And hopefully this time will be the charm. I really want to get going on this! I want to be secure in my documents and be able to send everything off before the New Year...oy vey.

On a lighter note: I've begun a 30-Day Art Challenge. I bought oil pastels, charcoal and have watercolors already. The first challenge was a self-portrait, which worked out I think. I'll probably post all of the pictures when I'm done. Which will really just be for my own benefit, since I doubt anyone reads this. I don't even know why I keep this. But it's nice that it's mine. Maybe I'll go public with this blog once I get over to South Korea. I would like to turn this into my little South Korea experience journal. I know that I'll have a lot to say, what with exploring new places, foods, and a totally different culture.

Sick

I cannot stand a sore throat. I can handle a fever, a cough, a runny nose - pretty much anything - but NOT a sore throat. I am pitiful. I had some vitamin C, rinsed my nose with 1 part hydrogen peroxide, 1 part water, poured peroxide in my ear, breathed steam and had a bit of wine. Please work, self-medication!

If I don't send this to you in letter form...

...and if you ever happen to find this blog, this is for you, my dear roommate:

Dearest Nicky,

I am heartsick tonight. I don't know if it's the built-up, pent-up emotions from graduation, the lack of sleep, or the fact that I'm beginning a new chapter in my life. I have a pretty good idea that it's a combination of those three, but mostly because I won't be living with you.

Can you remember back to over a year ago? I didn't know you. I knew your name and that you wore hipster glasses. I thought you were strikingly pretty when I saw you at the Seven Brides audition. I knew that I was intimidated by this girl that V-- had replaced me with; this girl who seemed very cool.

I knew that I wanted to be your friend. I've probably mentioned it before. I realized that if I were anyone else in my specific situation, fresh from that terrible breakup, I should have hated you. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't even dislike you. I felt drawn to something within or about you. Now I know that is was God, working His magic, and having an ironic sense of humor.

I was glad when V-- was out of the picture. I thought it was awkward that two exes would go after the same person (with different motives, mind you.)

I am so glad. Glad that you actually sat next to me in Shakespeare class. And that we cracked jokes for the rest of the semester and realized how much we love laughing together. And that we gravitated towards the same church and that you took a leap of faith by living with me.

I feel like it could have gone terribly wrong. With the shaky start we had, we could have made living with each other like hell.

But you are so gracious. You forgave my oversight and chose to accept me as a friend. You have so many characteristics desirable in a friend. You don't judge (or if you do, it's in your heart - haha.) You listen intently, You don't try to run other peoples' lives. You are caring and gentle and loud and so much fun.

As the semester was creeping by (and at the same time whizzing past) I tried to stop and enjoy each moment. I'm always looking forward to the next best thing. I forget to live in the moment and be satisfied. While I was subconsciously forcing myself to stop and smell the roses, I'm looking back now and I'm saying, "Not enough!" I did my best to take in all the laughter and tears, and late nights talking with the lights out until 4 am - - but I'm still left longing for more time.

Perhaps to end on a high note is best? I don't know. Every other roommate I've had, I was so ready to be rid of. I can't see myself tiring of our little apartment 11. Why do we get along so well? Birth orders? Ha, you know I love deciphering, analyzing and labeling.

I didn't think I would cry so much. I'm not used to grief. Or haven't been in over a year. I'm glad it's tears over something good instead of something broken.

If you had told me a year ago that the best part of my undergrad studies would be my last semester in school - not because it was my last but that it was filled with your friendship - well, I would have been skeptical.

Thank you for being my sister-friend. Thank you for sharing a tiny-ass apartment ("an ass-apartment?!") and doing it with grace. Thank you for being my buddy at theatre functions and at church, and still wanting to stop and talk to me on the sidewalk on the way to class, even though we share a bedroom. Thank you for being considerate in the mornings and late at night while I was sleeping, taking great care to not walk on the squeaky parts of the floor. Thank you for quiet mornings on our separate couches, over (my) toast and (your) coffee until we were awake enough to say good morning. Thank you for lending cute clothes where cute clothes were required. And for sitting by me on food poisoning nights. Thank you for being artsy and agreeing that our apartment should be a creative mess. I never knew all these things would be so precious in retrospect.

You mean so much more than you will ever know. I love you, 'Tine.

Goodbye G-----ville

I'll be back for a short while after the holidays. But soon after, I'll book it on out of here to South Korea! I accepted a job in the southern part of SK and I'm so nervous/anxious/excited/looking forward to this new life! I haven't quite comprehended that it is a year-long contract and I will be without my family for a whole year.

A French exam in an hour. Shoot me. I haven't studied hardly at all. I have no motivation. I've been bitten by the senioritis bug too soon!! And I'm super hungry...

Last night was Winter Formal - the last one of my college career. I wasn't sure that I would go, because I tend to stir up drama amongst the drama department (ironic, I know,) without even meaning to. I have this one ex-bofyfriend, who has had this girlfriend for about a year. Now, I honestly don't have anything against him or her, but I like to make jokes at their expense because they really are ridiculous. I wish I could explain just how hilarious the two of them are...but that is unnecessary. I guess the main, tiny chip on my shoulder comes from how he told me so many lovely things while we were together and they were all lies. I was extremely hurt at the time we parted ways, but now I just make jokes.

I say all of that, because I suppose I've given his girlfriend a little incentive to harass me. She younger and not very intelligent, but I do commend her gumption. On many occasions, she has approached me, wishing to "talk" because we obviously needed to "work something out." Buuuhhh. It gets rather annoying, because I'm always looking over my shoulder and wondering what new thing she wants to "talk" about. Like I said, I tend to create drama - and most of the time, it's totally unwarranted.

Although my ex-boyfriend graduated from this school last year, he still finds a way to make it to every social function going on here. I knew that they were going to be in attendance and wasn't crazy about being in a party situation, where I would likely be dragged away by the new girlfriend and be made to participate in her kum-bay-a. Which is strange, really. I mean, she's my ex's girlfriend. I have nothing against the girl, but I think I have every right to not want to hang out with her. One time, she texted me and poured her heart out, saying how she wanted to be friends. I believe that this was a result of being loopy from her wisdom teeth procedure medication, because after that day, she never acknowledged me in public. When I tried to return her texts with a phone call, asking why she didn't just speak to me instead of blowing up my phone with texts, I got her voicemail because she "had gauze in her mouth and couldn't talk." It's really cute, that age.

I was also apprehensive to be around a few other enemies (all of which transcended from being my ex's then-girlfriend, or they resulted when we were no longer together.) As you can tell, dating him was the best decision of my life.

I am glad to say that I didn't make any snarky jokes during Winter Formal. I kept mouth shut and was drama-free! I was so pleased to be around my friends and enjoy one last party.

An early morning

I was up until 4 am this morning. And woke up just now at 11 am. I am so silly. I wasn't sick (which is usually the reason that I'm ever up that late,) but just enjoying my weekend freedom.

I was writing a song. I haven't really written anything in a long time, which is strange and sad. I usually write like a fiend during the summer, when I have more free time. It's so therapeutic. I have this dream of recording a demo and seeing if I can perform anywhere, but I've not made the time to play out while here at school. I need someone to hold my hand and tell me what to do and all. It's really very sad that I'm not independent in that way (probably the only way that I'm not, or ever self-conscious.)

While I was awake in the wee morning hours, one of my friends from New York skyped me. He was upbeat at first, but I soon gathered that he had had about six alcoholic drinks and was only trying to mask the pain he was feeling.

He and I have always bonded over our love for songwriting and I think it's fun to share and bounce ideas off each other. This guy has no confidence though. He's so talented musically, and is lyrically as well, but never lets himself go with words. He's very careful with his lyrics and severally self-critical. I did my best to encourage him to forget his insecurities and just write what wanted to come out. That's the best way to do it. Just write and then go back and weed out or tweak what could be made better.

He's also been struggling with self-worth and ideas that opportunities have passed him by. He wasn't terribly specific, because we're not terribly close...although I suppose after skyping with him for two hours early in the morning, that brings us a step closer in our friendship.

I was hesitant, but I knew it needed to be said: "How much do you love Jesus?" As much as I adore and live my whole life for God, I still get insecure about bringing him up in conversation with people who feel differently than me. I think this is because I used to be so judgmental and self-righteous. Something I have since tried to cleanse myself from. No one likes a judge. I'm not supposed to judge. That's for the Lord. I am to love others and reflect His love for me.

So I said it. He didn't laugh at me. He didn't make fun at all. And I don't think he felt judged. This guy seemed lost and hurt and desperate for something to fill him up. Last night, it was alcohol in an effort to forget that he's hurting. He asked me, "How is it that you're so happy? You seem happy. I want that."

And I couldn't deny that it was the Lord. I'm a naturally upbeat person, but I also have the tendency to become anxious and ridiculous if I try to live life on my own. I am pleased that I listened to God's prompting, got over myself and shared my faith with him. I told him I would pray for him, and I intend to keep him in mind. I know his life will change and be better. I want him to find peace so badly. But I've said my part and all I can do now is pray.

YEAH I WON THE BID. DONE SON.

Yeah. I just won the auction. I'm awesome. It was really heated too. PHEW!!

Reading Days

Today and tomorrow will consist of random appointments, in an effort to tie up the loose ends of this semester. Almost there. I really can't believe that I'm almost done with undergrad. It's surreal and wonderful and amazing. I'm so excited to be moving on and starting a different life.

I'm sitting here listening to musical theatre soundtracks for homework. One of my majors was Musical Theatre. It's funny how I would never choose to listen to this genre in my spare time. I don't even like musicals. I like singing, and I like acting, but I think musical theatre can be very pretentious. I prefer straight theatre, but I didn't want to partake in the university's acting program. I don't particularly agree with Meisner, but that is an entirely different digression for another time.

So, here I sit and suffer through eight soundtracks. The current sound is Ragtime, which isn't too bad.

Here are the other musicals I'll be discovering:

I'm hungry. But not interested in cooking for myself. Blah. I'm so unmotivated to do anything right now! It's a wonder I'm still functioning and not sleeping the day away.

Because I felt like posting it SOMEWHERE

And here is the only place where it can be free, breathe, and be anonymous.

I am tired of the power

You seem to have on me

I’d prefer an acid shower

To this brutal first degree

I can’t say I’ve recovered

From the boy who was before

You insisted and you smothered

you Casanova’d, you forswore

No longer can I smile

With the mention of your name

I’d prefer the many miles

But thanks to you, our home’s the same

Happy is the day

When I can leave your ass behind

I can fin’lly run away

And truly quit your troubled mind

Literally. 

I happen to have a lovely kind of virus, which I don't mind sharing, even though it has severely negative connotations: Herpes Simplex 1.

This means I have outbreaks on my face (and only my face, thank you), including my left nostril, eyebrow and eyelid. I find it unfortunate that I have to live with this for the rest of my life, but it is a cross I must bear. I should look on the bright side: I suppose I could have had the other kind of herpes...

Also, when I have an outbreak, it is usually caused by either too much sugar, stress, sun, or lack of sleep. I guess I've been extremely stressed lately, with graduating and my life changing forever and all.

Oh, and I should mention that most outbreaks include a massive migraine on the back, left part of my skull? This is because the virus has nestled itself into the nerves back there and flares up to imitate what's going on with my face. Pounding, piercing pain - like a knife plunged into my brain and some phantom hand is twisting it clockwise every few minutes.

Aspirin and famvir are my best friends right now.

Last week of classes. Forever.

For undergrad, at least. It's kind of exciting. I know that I'm going to miss it like crazy, but I'm glad to be done with school for a while. I need to muster up some motivation to finish out these exams though...

I really cannot describe how happy I am to be getting out of this cesspit. Yes, yes, this is a college education, and it's a wonderful privilege and all, blah, blah, blah. However, I can't help but feel like I got a very short, very poopy end of the stick. I've had such a trying time while here, trying to fit in, find friends, be liked. Which is strange, because I'm an excellent friend, if people cared to find out, and I'm a likable person. Granted, just because I say all this, does not mean I haven't any friends. No, I do - there are some people that I've met here that are genuine and would do just about anything for me (and I for them), but the majority of the children that surround me are just that: immature, self-centered, and painfully venomous. Good riddance, School of Theatre and Dance.

I'm excited to start a new life, explore a different part of the world and hopefully meet up with people who are authentic.

Foot in mouth syndrome

Why - why does drama always follow me? I say things, in jest, that are never meant to hurt anyone's feelings. And people take what I say so seriously!! I'm sick of it! I want to get out of this town. I've got friends, yes, but almost as many enemies and I'm done. I need to get away from these children.

SNOW

The first of the season! My sister texted me from R------ saying that there were flurries in the air and wondered if I had any yet. I was pleased when I walked home to hear the tiny specks hitting my leather coat. I slowed my stride and enjoyed the dreary afternoon.

I had such a wonderful time visiting with Katie last night. Love, love, love her. I think it's great that even though I was ridiculously busy this semester and quite remiss in my attentions to her, we are able to pick back up where we left off. The evening was filled with delicious Thai food (which I had only tried once before and hadn't had the good stuff,) shopping, and ended with a hot apple cider at Port City Java. The hours flew by! I'm looking forward to school ending so I can have more time for outings like that.

Today is the Scholarship Gala performance. I'm not sure what to think - whether to be nervous or not. I never sing in front of that many people that often, or on the main stage for that matter. I'm really just looking forward to it being over so I don't have one more thing to stress over.

I really need to be memorizing my dialogue for the French speaking exam on Wednesday. But I have no motivation. I look at the words, and read them, but it's not sticking. Sigh. That's the goal for today. And to clean my bathroom. It's gnarly.

P.S.

I thought I would document this while it's still relatively fresh: I participated in No-Shave November last month.

The 15-Day Mark

The 30-Day Mark

December 1

I enjoyed not having to take a razor to my body for a month so much that I think I'll participate in No-Shave New Year...

Friend-visiting and thoughts of exercising...

This is my favorite type of day. No classes, few obligations - so much more time for my life! I had been planning to visit my good friend from N-- B--- (She's the blushing bride. Isn't she glorious?!)


- but didn't want to plan on it and then back out because something like that usually happens. Thankfully, she's flexible and spontaneous like me and agreed that I should come down when I gave her warning only the night before.

I'm thinking of opting out on my jog this morning. I've been trying to make myself exercise. Not for any kind of weight loss - - I actually do the opposite and am continually trying to gain weight - but because it's good for my emotional health and well-being. I find that I put on weight when I exercise, so herp derp. I tend to be ruled by my emotions and whenever I am stressed, I lose my appetite and become a nervous, mewling wreck. I wish I could help it. I wish I didn't have to take time out of my schedule to exercise for my emotions. It sounds so silly, but it's sadly true.

However, I have seen the benefits in the past. Last summer, when I worked in ----ville, I had more time to going jogging, walking or lifting and I saw a definite improvement in my attitude overall. The same happened when I lived in N-- B--- near the friend I'm visiting today; she made me go running with her. Most of my memories of that place are positive and happy.

On the flip side, I can recall attending the university (that I am about to graduate from) and not fitting in time to exercise. I was often sick with some ailment, but also felt nauseous to the point of no appetite. I should add that I was in a stressful, unhealthy relationship that lasted two years, which only added to my anxiety. In that time, I had lost so much weight and was accused on several occasions of being anorexic. I don't blame my friends for thinking so! I was down to 111 Ibs = not a pretty sight.

I've always felt more secure with curves, though. I finally got them this last spring, after the aforementioned relationship broke off and I was able to reevaluate my life. The picture above is me at my best. I blame it on the copious amounts of pasta I consumed all year. In the words of Sofia Loren (a fellow sultry Italian,)

"Everything you see, I owe to spaghetti."

Another long day, done.

I'm sitting here with my roommate, watching The Fellowship of the Ring, the extended version. I love these movies. I remember when they came out in theatres. I don't know where my 12-year-old self scrounged up the money, but I saw the first movie in theatres three times. That's not cheap, man.

I'm not quite sure how to define this place in my life. On the brink of graduation, I still have classes until next Tuesday and then exams for another couple of weeks. It's quite tantalizing. I'm stressed and anxious, but strangely calm right now. I have several projects due beginning next Tuesday - most I have finished, but many will take just plain "doing," (i.e. tech performances, a French 1001 speaking exam and a portfolio presentation.)

I've gone back and forth between fear and excitement. Fear of the unknown and being tossed out in the world, without the safety of a student's schedule and expenses; and excitement for moving on, moving forward, and starting over with my life. I will continue living in ___ville with my roommate, because I have a lease to uphold and it beats trying to transition living at home with the parents. I don't want to be that student. The one that never leaves the town where she attended college. I have an ex-boyfriend that did that. He graduated and is still. Hanging. Around. Buhhh.

When my friends ask if I'm living here next semester, I can't help but wonder if their excitement now will morph to annoyance later.

It's almost all over. All of it. My whole undergrad career. I have been in college classes since I was 16 (long story short, I'm amazingly intelligent, skipped third grade and was dually enrolled in college while still in high school,) - - all that to say, I'm thoroughly tired of school. It's about time it's over.
 now I thoroughly cannot keep my eyes open. Au revior.