Visa Interview: Check

It’s all becoming so real and I’m getting goosebumps on the backs of my legs thinking about it. One step closer to Gwangju! I made a trip to Atlanta and back today for my interview with the Korean Consulate concerning my work visa. Yikes.

I’m really excited for everything this opportunity will provide: travel, meeting and working with new people, teaching adorable children, paying off loans (cha-CHING) - and mostly, I want this to be a time that stretches and strengthens my faith. I know that when it’s me by myself somewhere, it’s actually God plus me. He’s becoming so real. He is real. And really the only thing that keeps me sane, happy, and ready for life.

I recently posted on my tumblr page a picture of a girl. She has a turban on her head, henna on her hands and her face is partially hidden. From what I could make out of this girl, she seemed exotic and beautiful. My caption was - "Have you ever seen anything more beautiful? Can I look like her, please?"

I should interject that I'm not terribly vain about my appearance. I've learned to enjoy how I look and like that my hair, face and body require little maintenance to stay looking good. However, I live in this body and look out through these eyes into the mirror every morning. I see best the flaws that other people overlook (or sometimes, the really obnoxious people look hard to find and bring to my attention.) They are there. For example, one side of my face is fuller than the other. I find that symmetry equates beauty and with one side of my nose being larger than the other, or my eyebrows being totally different shapes, or one eye being more upturned than the other, means that I am not perfect. And perfection is what we're all striving for. Right?

An old friend, that I often forget is also on tumblr, replied to my photo:

"Stop asking to look like other people. Your own Beauty is more than enough. Trust me."


Maybe the absence of his voice saying this, or not seeing his face makes it feel less like it came from my friend and more as if God were speaking to me.


Once God told me, "Don't look to anyone else. Don't compare yourself, don't try to emulate anyone. You are an original. I broke the mold when I made you, and I think you're perfect."


I love being reminded to get my eyes off myself. All of that doesn't matter. The real question should be, "What does my heart look like?"

To pass the time

I have been making hats like there's no tomorrow. I've sold three so far, and have one in commission. So exciting! My next adventure is to try my hand at an ear-flap toque for my friend, Richard. Below is the most recent "hipster hat" that I've finished.

Hermione Hats!

I'm selling hats on www.etsy.com while there's still snow on the ground. Look me up, spread the word - these hats are too cute to pass up!

http://www.etsy.com/listing/65646722/hermione-hat-red-prisoner-of-azkaban?ref=pr_shop

http://www.etsy.com/listing/65645441/hermione-hat-lavender-wool-deathly?ref=v1_other_2

January 17-20?!

There is now a possibility that I could be leaving for South Korea in two weeks. What. I'm not ready for this. I need to not freak out. This could be good. This could be God's plan. It's just that I had all these plans to visit people and say goodbye before I won't see them for a year. I need to visit Asheville, Greenville, Raleigh, VA Beach, then make a trip to Atlanta for an interview with the Korean Consulate...!! I need to get my life in order and pray about this. Not necessarily in that order.

Corset, anyone?

http://www.etsy.com/listing/65599683/corset-renaissance-faux-suede

Hey bloggers - trying to sell this corset. Never been worn and dying to be worn to a Renaissance festival. See link below. Spread the word!

 

Simple

"One day, I will find the right words, and they will be simple."

Jean-Louise "Jack" Kerouac

Oh, people.

They will fail you. They will disappoint and tear your heart to pieces. It's times like this when I wish I wasn't such a feeler. I feel things so acutely and emotional pain is almost unbearable. I'll find myself empathizing with someone so deeply that I begin crying their tears. Sometimes it's ridiculous. But right now, it's rather justified. I'm not going to name names, but a blog exists to be written; about monumentally trivial things like feelings. Oy.

My present conflict has made me reflect quite a bit: what kind of friend am I? Am I really as selfish as this "friend" recently told me? I'm caught with so many questions. The one foremost on my mind is "What did I ever do to deserve this censure?" and the second being, "How am I supposed to read your mind?" I cried quite a bit earlier. I went for a jog and sat on a dead tree and cried. Sometimes a good cry feels so good. I prayed some angry, confused and then humble prayers and got on with my afternoon. God told me, "Let it go." I was reminded of a phrase one of my worship partners writes on her arms before a service: "It's not about you."


It's not about me

Whatever it is that my friend is going through, I'm beginning to doubt is my fault. Her blunt remarks came out of nowhere, it seems, and I need to remember that conflict doesn't always start and end with me. Oftentimes, people are hurt or boiling over about something internal and happen to lash out at people they love. I can't let it bother me anymore. I was reading a prophetic ministry I dictated from a tape given to me after prayer over me. Actually, I named my blog after part of this prayer said to me:


You have been hurt, there is bitterness sometimes, or tainted water – let it go. He’s making you like a diamond. Diamond’s withstand the toughest pressure, when it’s done and finished, it turns out to be the most beautiful diamond.


Pressure is good. Crying is good. Feeling is good. Everything that is uncomfortable or painful now will work in God's amazing plan to enrich my life and help me bring glory to Him. I'm beginning to understand how little I should invest in other people and myself, and how much more I should invest in God. He is the reason for everything I do. He is the only thing to live for. People will fail, but God is faithful, good, safe, and true. Always.

A quiet evening

This is one of my favorite times of day. When I can veg out on in my self-designated comfy chair, laptop in hand, knitting in the other, my family lounging about the living room and some obscure classic or BBC movie playing. Since I've been home on a break, I've come to value time. To not look at the clock and want to compete with it. (Difficult for me, since I'm one of the most competitive people I know.) I've really had to dig deep and discover what I like to do in my free time, how I best enjoy entertaining myself. Being a kinesthetic learner (learn by doing, hands-on kind of thing,) it's difficult for me to appreciate down-time. I love a challenge, a schedule, the busyness of life. I salivate at the idea of an agenda. Not a strict one, mind you - I like spontaneity, not rigidity, in a schedule. But keeping myself occupied is the main point.

I've been knitting and sewing more than I ever cared to. I have this idea that I could put my arts and crafts talents to use by selling some items on etsy.com...possible? I hope so. I would love to organize this, but I'm not sure where I would start.

So, I'll leave this post with a nod to the old movie we're watching: "Dial M for Murder." Work that updo, Grace Kelly!

www.demandyourdignity.com

A beautiful website, designed to break the chains the world has clamped on women's minds. You are not a collection of body parts. You are more than your skin.

The purrfect refutation

...for all the lolcatz memes (which I thoroughly abhor)

Good luck, Mr. Gorsky

GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU SMILE..... ESPECIALLY SINCE IT'S A TRUE STORY.

ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG
WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.
HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP
FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.

BUT JUST BEFORE HE REENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK
"GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."

MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGH IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME
RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN
EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS.

OVER THE YEARS MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE "GOOD
LUCK, MR. GORSKY" STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.

ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS
FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION TO ARMSTRONG.

THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED. MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL
ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD ANSWER THE QUESTION.

IN 1938 WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MIDWEST TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING
BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL,

WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THE BEDROOM WINDOWS.

HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS.GORSKY. AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK
UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY.
"SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"

TRUE STORY. 

Yin and Yang of World Hunger

Cheated

Here we go - a new year. Another chance to make my life better. It's funny that people feel like a year marker is a good time (or the only time, rather) to make a difference in their lives. Someone asked me last night if I had any resolutions. Because I'm going to a different country very shortly, I feel like I can't make resolutions without first experiencing my new life there. It's kind of unfair to ask me to plan my year, when I have no idea how I'm going to react to all the newness. Also, I try to better myself and grow closer to God everyday - and that's really what I'm striving for in my life. Why try to start over once every year, when God has given you a new day, everyday?

I'm a little angry. I guess I won't be veiled in this or really care if the person I'm mad at reads this. He told me so many things, that seemed like promises. I guess they weren't. I don't know. We weren't even together. But he boosted my ego and made me feel like I was a goddess. I didn't want him. I want somebody that loves Jesus. And he basically worshiped me, because he doesn't have a God to worship. That's too much pressure. It was not the right thing.

I wish I had thought through the decisions I was making a year ago that led me to where I am now. I never stopped to think that maybe I was ruining a great, platonic friendship, when I allowed myself to explore a romantic side with him. It was foolish and I hate myself for it.

Now, he's chasing after all these other girls, just to fill that void in his life. I knew it would happen and I did my  best to prepare myself for it. I knew I would feel cheated. But my best was not enough because I'm pissed. When somebody builds me up that much and then suddenly switches his focus, that seems dishonest, or unfaithful. It can't be though, because I turned him away and we were never committed! Why am I such a weirdo?!

I know what it is, though. I was trying so hard to love the Lord but my focus was being shifted to him. His world is dark and lonely and made up of him trying to make all of his anger and pain go away. Only God can do that. He relied on himself for everything, believed that everything he had came about because of his own accomplishments. It was a strange, uncomfortable, panicky kind of world. I had a lot of panic attacks while I was with him. I think it was more spiritual than anything. God didn't want me in that situation. Thank goodness He got me out when he did.

And here I am, stuck with the aftermath. He's off chasing any skirt that has big, blue eyes, and I'm still alone. I'm really ok with being alone. Like I said, I just feel cheated. And I hate him. And I hope he chokes on his charm and wit.