Jezreel. I'm so excited that I've been learning how to converse with God(!) For sure, I don't have it figured out. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking at the ceiling. However, recently, (or at least since I've been in South Korea,) I've seen God working through our relationship. When I pray, I see him move in really cool ways. The common thread throughout the past few months has to do with being watered in a drought.
The story of Elijah popped up pretty soon after I arrived. (Perhaps I already posted about this. Forgive me if I'm repeating myself. This is what comes of a bad memory.) I was never a huge fan of the Old Testament. A bunch of random, dead people that did something or other for a God that was angry and frightening. Animals were sacrificed, some kings did the wrongs things, etc. Boring, yeah? NADA. It's actually kind of cool to dig deeper and study the lives of these crazy nomads. Elijah was sent away to the East to be with God in the desert - - - but if Elijah was a prophet, why was God getting him to leave civilization?? Aren't prophets supposed to always be leading people, and talking at them? Yeah, but this was a time for Elijah to rest and be refreshed. Water from a pitcher goes dry unless you fill it again from the faucet.
Which brings me to my next point (and one that I can specifically connect with) - the word, "refreshed." It means to restore, strengthen or run water over. Make new. Both Jeremiah and Psalms have these correlating verses that talk about a tree being watered in a drought/desert. Even though it (the tree) is alone, it's still being tended, being strengthened, and is growing. Its leaves are still green and although it is resting, the tree continues to bear fruit; just not as much as it will in the future.
There are seasons for everything. I had a season in University. I struggled, was weary, and ended up coming out a little bruised but I knew who my friends were, and that I needed God desperately. I find myself in a totally photo negative season than before: rest. Yes, I'm working my rear off for this school, and fighting to adjust to another culture - but it is restful. God wants me to soak in him for a year - like Esther, to have a year of "beauty" treatments for my heart and mind.
This is my drought. I'm drinking from this tiny trickle of a stream, but I'm finding nourishment. And I have so much more than I need. I have this feeling that I'm only pausing before I take the plunge. Of what, I have no idea...
If you're interested in looking up verses pertaining to these stories:
Elijah - 1 Kings 17 and 19
Esther - Esther 2
Jeremiah 17:8
Psalm 1:3
Hosea - 2:14-23
Ok, ok, so maybe those of you that are reading are thinking, "Gee, Leigh Margaret, that's great that you feel like God's speaking to you. That's great that you believe in a God...! But he's not real for me." May I humbly reply that he is real? He loves you, he created you and so desperately wants you to talk to him. But he's a gentleman. He's not going to push you. You have to push. You have to take the first step. Just talk to him. He doesn't want babble, or pretentiousness. He wants the real, raw you. He wants your heart. Maybe you don't relate to my walk right now, but I want to encourage you to step onto the path and start your own.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
or are we dancers
Last night was the first night I had every been "out" in Korea. I'm not a big club person - I prefer to chill with friends, play games and music...kind of an old person if you want to be honest. However, I do enjoy going out now and then, and dancing with friends. It was the first time that I had been out without any alcohol in my body. It felt great!
I feel that I should insert a little explanation - - I have an alcohol intolerance. It's not that I think alcohol is evil, no. I like the taste! I think it's fun to have a drink with friends one in a while. And yes, I've experimented and happened to have too much on certain occasions. Nothing I'm proud of. But I found that even with the smallest amount of alcohol, I would be home vomiting at 3am. This happened often in school. I would have a drink and go out with friends, then be home in the fetal position and puking.
I could be upset that I'm "missing out," but I find it a blessing, actually. Alcoholism runs in my family and I know that I have that tendency. It's just safer for me to stay away rather than constantly fighting the temptation - "How much should I have?" "I can handle one more drink!" - no. It's better that I'm sober. I stopped drinking all alcohol around Christmas and since then, I've not thrown up once! Bear in mind, I was vomiting every month for a year in 2010. Yikes.
Perhaps this is too much information for some people that don't know me very well. I could be afraid of what you will think of me - - but strangely enough, I'm not. I think that God would have me be honest about my life, my struggles and shortcomings. As much as I would like to pretend that I'm perfect, I'm not. God can't use perfection. There's no room for improvement. Therefore, I feel that my life is to be an example to others, to encourage, to lift up, to comfort with the comfort I've been given. It's ok to acknowledge where you're weak. It gives other people hope. That's not to say that you should embrace you're sin. But God likes broken people. That way, he can shine through the cracks.
Back to my club story - it's so different here! And rightly so, since I am in Korea. The dancing was not the bumping and grinding that you find in the States. It was "innocent" dancing, in a way. Silly dancing is very acceptable. I went with two coworkers/friends and we danced together and a lot of young, adorable Korean boys. A fun mix of Lady Gaga, Taio Cruz, Justin Bieber, and K-pop helped us get our groove on.
There was a point in the evening when a guy (I'm not sure what kind of foreigner he was, because he wasn't Korean but also didn't have an American accent,) would not leave me alone. He kept slapping my rear and even kissed me on the cheek. This, I would not stand for. So there was much shoving and slapping hands away, and running away, and "No!" I'm sure to some people this would have been a compliment - but I can't accept that. When he was bored of me retaliating and cutting off his attempts, he found another girl. These guys act like you're the only one they want to be with that evening. Girls fall for this and it's heartbreaking. They have no self-esteem and look for value in the guy that makes them feel good right that moment But the guy doesn't really care about them. He cares about how their bodies look and how their bodies feel on their own. It's empty. I felt like I could see that very clearly last night.
But enough of the heavy - it was, on the whole, great fun! I don't know if it will happen again for me, being an old person and all...:-)
I feel that I should insert a little explanation - - I have an alcohol intolerance. It's not that I think alcohol is evil, no. I like the taste! I think it's fun to have a drink with friends one in a while. And yes, I've experimented and happened to have too much on certain occasions. Nothing I'm proud of. But I found that even with the smallest amount of alcohol, I would be home vomiting at 3am. This happened often in school. I would have a drink and go out with friends, then be home in the fetal position and puking.
I could be upset that I'm "missing out," but I find it a blessing, actually. Alcoholism runs in my family and I know that I have that tendency. It's just safer for me to stay away rather than constantly fighting the temptation - "How much should I have?" "I can handle one more drink!" - no. It's better that I'm sober. I stopped drinking all alcohol around Christmas and since then, I've not thrown up once! Bear in mind, I was vomiting every month for a year in 2010. Yikes.
Perhaps this is too much information for some people that don't know me very well. I could be afraid of what you will think of me - - but strangely enough, I'm not. I think that God would have me be honest about my life, my struggles and shortcomings. As much as I would like to pretend that I'm perfect, I'm not. God can't use perfection. There's no room for improvement. Therefore, I feel that my life is to be an example to others, to encourage, to lift up, to comfort with the comfort I've been given. It's ok to acknowledge where you're weak. It gives other people hope. That's not to say that you should embrace you're sin. But God likes broken people. That way, he can shine through the cracks.
Back to my club story - it's so different here! And rightly so, since I am in Korea. The dancing was not the bumping and grinding that you find in the States. It was "innocent" dancing, in a way. Silly dancing is very acceptable. I went with two coworkers/friends and we danced together and a lot of young, adorable Korean boys. A fun mix of Lady Gaga, Taio Cruz, Justin Bieber, and K-pop helped us get our groove on.
There was a point in the evening when a guy (I'm not sure what kind of foreigner he was, because he wasn't Korean but also didn't have an American accent,) would not leave me alone. He kept slapping my rear and even kissed me on the cheek. This, I would not stand for. So there was much shoving and slapping hands away, and running away, and "No!" I'm sure to some people this would have been a compliment - but I can't accept that. When he was bored of me retaliating and cutting off his attempts, he found another girl. These guys act like you're the only one they want to be with that evening. Girls fall for this and it's heartbreaking. They have no self-esteem and look for value in the guy that makes them feel good right that moment But the guy doesn't really care about them. He cares about how their bodies look and how their bodies feel on their own. It's empty. I felt like I could see that very clearly last night.
But enough of the heavy - it was, on the whole, great fun! I don't know if it will happen again for me, being an old person and all...:-)
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I'm only good at being young
My face is a pizza and has been for about three months straight. I'm sick of covering up with makeup. I'm sick of breaking out and never having a reprieve. I WANT MY SKIN BACK. Not this porous wasteland of a face.
I really, really, really don't know what to do. I have not changed my eating habits since I arrived. The only difference is the excessive haze/pollution and showering with Korea water.
alsdkjflsdkjf;lskjdf;lkjd; lkj;lj BLEEAHHhhhhhahhHHHHhhhhh
I really, really, really don't know what to do. I have not changed my eating habits since I arrived. The only difference is the excessive haze/pollution and showering with Korea water.
alsdkjflsdkjf;lskjdf;lkjd; lkj;lj BLEEAHHhhhhhahhHHHHhhhhh
Monday, June 20, 2011
May I share?
I think I shall...
I went to church for the first time in a while. I knew that I needed to go back, to be obedient, even when I wasn't feeling it. I knew that God would meet me if I were to start walking in that direction. And he did - I'm so thankful that Sunday was a day of revelation. This was a what I gleaned from it. Please forgive the lack of any kind of order. This is how my brain works. (A class with me is nightmarish if you like your routine/structure, hahaha...!)
This sermon was ironically about being hurt, carrying pain, getting rid of our pain and realizing that God pours into us so that we don't have to be our own gods.
We are all hurting people. Hurt people (subject) hurt (verb) people (object.) I wanted to clarify because that sounds like a strange sentence if you don't take those mental pauses. When we are wounded, if we continue to carry it around, we're only going to infect other people and kill ourselves. Stop the cycle of hurt. Don't lash out at others. If you need to talk, TALK, but to the right people. To those that will listen, love you, and not take advantage of your vulnerability. When you do find those people that will listen, thank them. It's exhausting listening. So much energy can be spent empathizing, and it usually goes unappreciated.
For those that do the listening: whatever your take in, you're going to get that same amount out. There is no magic spell that allows you to pull from this invisible cistern of energy, where, when you only gather a certain amount of love, peace, joy or whatever else you try and fill your life with, you will be able to give that exponentially. Here's a little visual for you:
Your life is this pipe. The amount you put in is the same amount you get out, like I said previously. If all that is going into you is strife, anxiety, worry, stress, pain, hurt, - anything negative, you will not harvest anything positive. You cannot make good from bad on your own. Salt and fresh water don't come from the same place.
If you try to give of yourself to others, ministering with all that you have and more, you will get burnt out. You will dry up. You are not infinite. You cannot sustain yourself and someone else. When you are being that listening ear for someone, that shoulder when they are bawling, you can't keep it together on your own. It just doesn't work that way.
Even if you aren't ministering to others or being there for them, and are trying your best to keep yourself in one piece - - - it STILL doesn't work. Maybe you're the only one you have to look after - you will fall to pieces anyway.
HOWEVER.
If you allow God to cut a hole in the pipe, and have his goodness flow into your life, you will be reaping more than what you've sown. Exhibit B:
I went to church for the first time in a while. I knew that I needed to go back, to be obedient, even when I wasn't feeling it. I knew that God would meet me if I were to start walking in that direction. And he did - I'm so thankful that Sunday was a day of revelation. This was a what I gleaned from it. Please forgive the lack of any kind of order. This is how my brain works. (A class with me is nightmarish if you like your routine/structure, hahaha...!)
This sermon was ironically about being hurt, carrying pain, getting rid of our pain and realizing that God pours into us so that we don't have to be our own gods.
We are all hurting people. Hurt people (subject) hurt (verb) people (object.) I wanted to clarify because that sounds like a strange sentence if you don't take those mental pauses. When we are wounded, if we continue to carry it around, we're only going to infect other people and kill ourselves. Stop the cycle of hurt. Don't lash out at others. If you need to talk, TALK, but to the right people. To those that will listen, love you, and not take advantage of your vulnerability. When you do find those people that will listen, thank them. It's exhausting listening. So much energy can be spent empathizing, and it usually goes unappreciated.
For those that do the listening: whatever your take in, you're going to get that same amount out. There is no magic spell that allows you to pull from this invisible cistern of energy, where, when you only gather a certain amount of love, peace, joy or whatever else you try and fill your life with, you will be able to give that exponentially. Here's a little visual for you:
Your life is this pipe. The amount you put in is the same amount you get out, like I said previously. If all that is going into you is strife, anxiety, worry, stress, pain, hurt, - anything negative, you will not harvest anything positive. You cannot make good from bad on your own. Salt and fresh water don't come from the same place.
If you try to give of yourself to others, ministering with all that you have and more, you will get burnt out. You will dry up. You are not infinite. You cannot sustain yourself and someone else. When you are being that listening ear for someone, that shoulder when they are bawling, you can't keep it together on your own. It just doesn't work that way.
Even if you aren't ministering to others or being there for them, and are trying your best to keep yourself in one piece - - - it STILL doesn't work. Maybe you're the only one you have to look after - you will fall to pieces anyway.
HOWEVER.
If you allow God to cut a hole in the pipe, and have his goodness flow into your life, you will be reaping more than what you've sown. Exhibit B:
This grace from God overcomes the pain and has the power to transform.
Minister only from your overflow. If you try and be everything to everyone, you will burn out. You will dry up. Don't try to be someone's savior. Let Jesus do that.
I'm done preaching tonight. I just felt I needed to get this down in writing. Not that these are my own words necessarily (this is a close summary of what I heard) but teaching is a way that I learn. I can fully comprehend and digest things when I'm telling what I've been told.
Goodnight, loved ones.
Friday, June 17, 2011
It ain't about tha -uh- buh-blang, buh-blang
Parent/Teacher Evals = CHECK.
I am so relieved! God has given me favor in this school and I'm praying that it sticks! I met with most of my student's moms and they were so gracious. It was precious seeing their eager faces, hoping that I had praise for their children. I had my friend and coworker translate for all of them except one. Max's mom could speak English very well and understand it even better, so she and I met alone. It's DONE. It was cool seeing them, and realizing why my kids look like they do. They are miniatures of their parents, for sure.
Now, I'm sitting in my (mostly) clean apartment and pondering a nap. I'm helping a friend move out of her place today, so that's going to happen later.
Hey, everyone, I'm getting more comfortable here! Not that comfort should ever be my aim (I get really selfish and think that my life is all about making me feel at ease,) but it's nice to not feel so foreign. I mean, duh, yeah, I look like a sore thumb among these beautiful Asian people...you know what I mean. Not everything is blasting "NEW" at me anymore. I am pretty self-sufficient. And I like it.
Oh, and my mom comes in a little over a month ^_^ TOO HAPPY FOR WORDS. It is going to be magical.
GPOY I got new [fake] hipster glasses; I strive to be ironic so that I can fit in Edition:
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Sometimes God hides you for a time
It's in these times that we might feel lonely and devoid of purpose. This isn't true at all. We each have a great purpose that God has tucked away - - it's just not always the right moment to reveal it.
I was sitting on a bench outside of EMart today, sucking on an orange and people watching. Over to my right were several ominous, white apartment buildings framed by hazy mountains. There were buses, bikes, cars and people hurrying past, everyone sweating in the heat. A really lovely Sunday. As I sat there, smiling at the Koreans staring at my overall strangeness, I realized that I had not talked to a single person all day. Granted, I only just woke up at 12 noon after sleeping eight hours. My friend needed to make a hospital visit that lasted until 4am, so I was going to give this body some rest after a long night. All that to say: I could feel lonely. I've mentioned this to a friend before, that I sometimes have to step outside of my situation to scrutinize it and realize that what I'm doing is lonely. There are few foreigners here, (i.e. people that can speak my language fluently and understand my culture) and even fewer people that are walking this narrow path that I've chosen.
What a strange place I'm in! I've always been used to friends and people and being surrounded by busyness. Now, I find a whole day will pass and I won't have had a conversation face to face. (This is usually on the weekends when I'm not at work and going wild from the chaos.) Still, I never thought I would be living life in South Korea, so far away from family and friends. In a strange way, I like it. Sure, I miss the people I love, but it's nice to be anonymous. To sit and really contemplate life. To enjoy good music, movies and books, and not feel the stress of my usual obligations. No thoughts of bills weighing heavy on me, no one is trying to reach me on my cell, because I don't have one - - it's peaceful. I'm trying hard to dig in and enjoy this precious pause in my life.
I hope this doesn't come off as a "sad and lonely" post. I don't mean that at all. I guess I'm just feeling pensive and wanted to voice these ideas to someone. I'm glad that "someone" usually means a silent blog. I appreciate when you all comment, for sure - but sometimes it's nice to just be heard.
I was sitting on a bench outside of EMart today, sucking on an orange and people watching. Over to my right were several ominous, white apartment buildings framed by hazy mountains. There were buses, bikes, cars and people hurrying past, everyone sweating in the heat. A really lovely Sunday. As I sat there, smiling at the Koreans staring at my overall strangeness, I realized that I had not talked to a single person all day. Granted, I only just woke up at 12 noon after sleeping eight hours. My friend needed to make a hospital visit that lasted until 4am, so I was going to give this body some rest after a long night. All that to say: I could feel lonely. I've mentioned this to a friend before, that I sometimes have to step outside of my situation to scrutinize it and realize that what I'm doing is lonely. There are few foreigners here, (i.e. people that can speak my language fluently and understand my culture) and even fewer people that are walking this narrow path that I've chosen.
What a strange place I'm in! I've always been used to friends and people and being surrounded by busyness. Now, I find a whole day will pass and I won't have had a conversation face to face. (This is usually on the weekends when I'm not at work and going wild from the chaos.) Still, I never thought I would be living life in South Korea, so far away from family and friends. In a strange way, I like it. Sure, I miss the people I love, but it's nice to be anonymous. To sit and really contemplate life. To enjoy good music, movies and books, and not feel the stress of my usual obligations. No thoughts of bills weighing heavy on me, no one is trying to reach me on my cell, because I don't have one - - it's peaceful. I'm trying hard to dig in and enjoy this precious pause in my life.
I hope this doesn't come off as a "sad and lonely" post. I don't mean that at all. I guess I'm just feeling pensive and wanted to voice these ideas to someone. I'm glad that "someone" usually means a silent blog. I appreciate when you all comment, for sure - but sometimes it's nice to just be heard.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
In response to Miss Lisa Jeanes, my beloved professor from the first half of my time at ECU: my contract ends in February, but I'm praying about going to France to teach for a couple of months immediately after. I got into teaching English in an effort to get to Europe, but I needed a year's experience first. This, is the year.
Today was a pretty good day as well! I had a lot of good conversations with friends and family. Encouragement all around and I love it.
That is all. Just a quick update. Thank you to all that are following and commenting. I really appreciate your continual conversations - - (wink, wink, Diana - you're fun and I miss you.)
Today was a pretty good day as well! I had a lot of good conversations with friends and family. Encouragement all around and I love it.
That is all. Just a quick update. Thank you to all that are following and commenting. I really appreciate your continual conversations - - (wink, wink, Diana - you're fun and I miss you.)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
The Tuesday Back
Another day that went by too quickly. I hope that doesn't sound like I'm complaining...I really do enjoy my job, really, but I'm torn: I want to experience these wonderful little children and at the same time I want to go home. Homesickness is a dull ache for me now. The culture shock isn't as shocking as it once was. I just realize that South Korea was never on my wish list. It's an awesome place to make a pit stop in life (i.e. saving some money/paying back loans) but I can see this experience being more about growing me spiritually than anything else. And we all know that growth hurts like heck.
This evening I will be p90xing with Yoga and doing some homework. Green books (as featured above^) are weekly updates to the parents on how their children are coming along in class. Quite the chore, when there are eleven to be evaluated. In a couple of weeks we have a parent-teacher conference, in which (I'm told) I will be doing all of the talking since there is a language barrier and I'm the one who spends the most time with their children. Oh life.
I was a little disheartened this morning, only because I had a wonderful three day weekend. Disgruntled that I had to face reality again. And feeling weak. I can't do this on my own. After a chat and prayer with my mom, I felt refreshed and ready to conquer with the Lord! He got me through with amazing dexterity. Thank you to all my friends that are prayerful with me. It's such an encouragement when I can share God with you, or just knowing that you're praying/thinking of me. Thank you. Goodnight, Korea and good morning, USA.
This evening I will be p90xing with Yoga and doing some homework. Green books (as featured above^) are weekly updates to the parents on how their children are coming along in class. Quite the chore, when there are eleven to be evaluated. In a couple of weeks we have a parent-teacher conference, in which (I'm told) I will be doing all of the talking since there is a language barrier and I'm the one who spends the most time with their children. Oh life.
I was a little disheartened this morning, only because I had a wonderful three day weekend. Disgruntled that I had to face reality again. And feeling weak. I can't do this on my own. After a chat and prayer with my mom, I felt refreshed and ready to conquer with the Lord! He got me through with amazing dexterity. Thank you to all my friends that are prayerful with me. It's such an encouragement when I can share God with you, or just knowing that you're praying/thinking of me. Thank you. Goodnight, Korea and good morning, USA.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
3-Day Weekend
Thank you, Korean Memorial Day for giving me an extra day of rest! Today was nice. I woke up lazy, chatted with my dear sister, Jordyn, cleaned the apartment, did laundry, watched a Bollywood movie. Peaceful. I was inspired earlier to start this new challenge: 101 Things in 1001 Days. Here's the site:
http://dayzeroproject.com/
It's pretty sweet - it helps you choose 101 activities or goals that you can accomplish in three years. My list includes learn to cook a recipe from 30 different countries, take a belly-dancing class, take up cello again, get an asymmetrical haircut, learn French - just to name a few. You should try it! You have three years to be inspired and try new things that you've always wanted to do! This is great for me since I often have trouble motivating myself when I have time off. I work so hard at work, I don't want my play time to feel like work. So I usually just veg. But I want to be more than just a passive floor potato (I have no couch.) I want to be proactive with my free time.
Tonight I tried my first recipe! It was San Choy Bau, a recipe from China. It's chicken, garlic, ginger and random vegetables tossed with soy sauce and eaten wrapped in large lettuce leaves. I substituted some things here and there because Korea can be limiting with grocery items - but I was so pleased that it turned out well! I actually can cook. Ha - all these years I've pretended like I'm a bad cook. I'm really not. This is going to be amazing trying all these new dishes. My problem with cooking is I become complacent and make the same meals over and over again. I have the ability, just little creativity. Goodbye boring pasta and rice dishes!
http://dayzeroproject.com/
It's pretty sweet - it helps you choose 101 activities or goals that you can accomplish in three years. My list includes learn to cook a recipe from 30 different countries, take a belly-dancing class, take up cello again, get an asymmetrical haircut, learn French - just to name a few. You should try it! You have three years to be inspired and try new things that you've always wanted to do! This is great for me since I often have trouble motivating myself when I have time off. I work so hard at work, I don't want my play time to feel like work. So I usually just veg. But I want to be more than just a passive floor potato (I have no couch.) I want to be proactive with my free time.
Tonight I tried my first recipe! It was San Choy Bau, a recipe from China. It's chicken, garlic, ginger and random vegetables tossed with soy sauce and eaten wrapped in large lettuce leaves. I substituted some things here and there because Korea can be limiting with grocery items - but I was so pleased that it turned out well! I actually can cook. Ha - all these years I've pretended like I'm a bad cook. I'm really not. This is going to be amazing trying all these new dishes. My problem with cooking is I become complacent and make the same meals over and over again. I have the ability, just little creativity. Goodbye boring pasta and rice dishes!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
error :-/
I had the blue screen of death an hour ago. I hope that it's gone away. I deleted a ton of stuff that I had downloaded in the past few days (but held onto those Office episodes. Gotta have that.) I prayed over my computer. Yes, I did. And you know what? It worked. Thanks God!!
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