Ps. 37:4

Currently reading a book called Radical. It was recommended to me by a Bible study leader a couple of years ago, and I've finally gotten around to it. In all honesty, I knew that I should have read it earlier, but I had this feeling that it would challenge me in a way that I wouldn't like. And who was so right about that? Yeah. Me.

The book begins by representing and later harping on the verses concerning "making disciples of all the nations," and "giving away your possessions and earthly wealth in order to more fully serve Christ" etc, etc, ET CETERA. I've always found this disheartening. I was never much for "missions" or living frugally. I don't want to live in another country for the rest of my life, struggling with a language that's not my own, living with the bare minimum. I want to be comfortable, lazy, fat, and happy. Are you getting a taste of how selfish my heart is? Basically, I don't want to give up control.

I tend to think that evangelizing offends people more than it brings them to Christ. Short-term mission trips are about checking a box each year and then returning to our plush, suburban lives.And long-term missions? They're just crazy.

I have a very good friend who has been a reminder that I need to be about the world, about other people, and not so obsessed with seeking comfort. She has never come out and said, "Geez, Leigh Margaret, you're being super selfish, never having gone on any missions trips, never wanting to leave the country," - because at one time that was true - I didn't want to leave the U.S. I was shockingly small-minded and I didn't think much of it. But back to my friend - all she did was live her life and share with me how awesome it was to take a missions trip to Honduras and realize that life is bigger than the U.S. She changed her intended major, her university and whole outlook on life. She returned home from her mission trip an altered young woman - in a very good way.

For a while, I was selfish and just wanted my friend to go back to the original plan. We were going to share an apartment, continue to be face-to-face friends, instead of dealing with a long-distance friendship. Friend, since you might read this, please don't be offended or conversely, feel guilty. This is simply my self-centered soul peeking through. I knew what I wanted and, of course, thought it was best.

Since then, you've graduated, gotten married, and are now living outside the States. I can see God using you, shaping you and bringing you into a new season of blessing. You have been faithful in your walk and now you will reap joy where you sowed tears.

Those few years ago, I watched you turn around in just a matter of weeks and be radically changed for God. I saw what was happening. I was happy that you could so readily give up (or rather, put on hold) your other pursuits. I just wasn't ready to follow your example. I decided to run away from that calling. I didn't want to be totally sold out to God because I was afraid that his plans weren't as cool as my own. What if he wanted me to live outside of my home country? What if, everyday, I was challenged physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually...to the point of exhaustion? No, of course I ran away. I like comfort, remember? Now, looking back, I can see how very un-cool my original ideas for happiness were. My life would have been pathetic, at best.

Now, friend, I want to give it up. I don't want to control my life because in retrospect I've always run aground when I'm the one steering. Nothing goes as smoothly as when God is making my decisions. I'm still a little afraid of the abandon. I'm not sure which direction my life should take, or "what I want to be when I grow up." Does anybody? Furthermore, do I have to pick just one thing? How about going where God says I should go? That's a nice profession. Not a comfy one, but pretty radical.

Salsa in Korea

Who knew that there would be an excellent Salsa club downtown in Gwangju?? I had a wonderful evening :-) I've only been Salsa dancing once - with a guy that had no clue what he was doing. I tend to not dance with guys that take me to these functions. I know, I'm a bad date.

I would love to take some lessons but with training for the 1/2, I'm not sure that I have the extra time. After running 7 miles today and then dancing for two hours straight, I'm depleted.

I am thrilled beyond belief that those years of swing dancing socials in high school have paid off. I mostly have no clue what I'm doing, but since I know how to follow the guy - - - - life is easier.

Surely you desire truth in my inner parts; you teach me wisdom in my inmost place. - Psalms 51:6

What do you do

When you're homesick for a certain time of year in your home state? And have no earthly way to get there? I have no idea.

There's always next time

I thought I ran a 7-miler today, but after double-checking, I found it was only 6. Slightly disappointed. I was in a hurry this evening anyway, so I shouldn't be too hard on myself. The cool thing is, I have three more weeks to train than I originally thought. Nine weeks until race day!! I'm feeling pretty good about the training :-)

of refinement and lighthouses

Silver and light. Pure, raw white. I know you're whispering but I can't make it out. What do you want to say to me, God...?

Thanksgiving in Jinju

Stephen (of Stephen and Danielle) was playing with my camera and took this artsy-fartsy shot. 

Talking in the living room.

The many bikes outside of KatieMichael's apartment/dorm building.

Yeah. They're some of my best friends. And they look like movie stars...

...RIGHT???!!!

Because I like taking window pictures.

Hipster feet.

A man from Tanzania who gave a presentation about his country. This was some cultural-party-thing for the international students of Gyeongseung National University. I just butchered that spelling :-/

I had never been in a room with so many different cultures! The countries represented were: Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, England, Vietnam, Philippines, Japan, Canada, China, South Korea, Malaysia, Cameroon, Tanzania, The US...I'm sure there were more, but my memory is failing. It was super exciting. And then I was hungry and  hunger makes me very uninterested in whatever is going on at the moment.

Silver

Do you ever put off time with God because you're afraid of where he will lead you? Afraid of what he will reveal? Afraid of how much it will hurt when he challenges and changes you? I'm fearful of seeing myself refined - of how much dross will appear after the fire. So I run away. And pretend that God doesn't have anything to say because I "can't hear him."

Jinju for Chuseok

Here again, with my lovely friends, Katie and Michael. I'm really enjoying having people from home so close. It's like having family to hang out with - and family just happens to be some of my favorite people :-)

Recently, God told me "wait," but I wasn't sure what for. I'm not a patient person, so this is like telling me not to blink for 5 minutes = super uncomfortable. I've been getting antsy with about 5ish months left in my contract, because I'd like to know what my next step is. So, in church today, Pastor Jeremy spoke of Joshua, and how Israel's new leader would take them to the Promised Land. This only happened after Moses was gone, when that part of the Israelite's season of history had ended. This could have left Joshua feeling lost and confused, his mentor having passed away. But this is exactly what Joshua needed in order to step up and become the leader that God designed him to be.

I've always thought that my life paralleled those fickle people of God. I've been in situations that were similar to the bondage in Egypt, then being free from slavery but still looking back on it and longing for what used to be - and right now is my "desert" time. The 40-years-in-the-desert time. The cool thing is, God still allows things to thrive in a barren wasteland, and gives strength to those that rest. A desert doesn't have to zap all the life out of you - it can actually instill life and revive you.

The next step: God would have me plan. He would have me put some solidity to my future, go to him in prayer and then step out in faith. When the Israelite's were going to the Promised Land, they had to cross the Jordan River. There was so much flooding that fording it was impossible. God instructed that the Levites (the priests) go out into the river, carrying the ark of the covenant, and with that, the river would stop flowing. It did, and the ground was dry enough for all the Israelites to pass through to the other side. It was only after the Levites took that step of faith into the water that anything happened. They could have waited and worried on the banks, thinking that it was impossible to cross the waters. All that was needed was to step out, because faith is an action.

What in your past is hindering you from our future? Let it go. Forgive the old hurt. I say this in an effort to reinforce it within myself. I'm holding onto scars that closed up long ago because I think that remembering them will prevent it from happening again. This doesn't do a darn thing. I cannot be bitter. I will not be bitter. No tainted water.

God wants to give you so much more than you could ever imagine. This is a new season. That means that old friendships may fade away and leave you a little empty feeling. Keeping walking. God is going to rain down blessings like you could never imagine. Sometimes you get rid of something taking up space to make room for the new and improved version. It's going to be awe-inspiring. You want to move forward? Pick up your feet.

Chuseok

Chuseok is the Korean equivalent to an American Thanksgiving...except there are no turkeys, cranberries or big black hats with brass buckles. The children at my school dressed in tradition Hanboks, the traditional Korean dress. It literally means "Korean Clothing" - these garments are beautiful! As a costumer, I was drooling over the colors and layers.

 Max, demonstrating how to make Song Pyeon, a sweet Korean treat.

Candy. She was breathtakingly regal in her dress. I know that sounds strange to say about a 6-year-old, but she had this crown hair piece and was holding her head high on her long neck. Seriously, she's going to be a supermodel someday.

6 of 11 

 Jadey. Beautiful little girl.

Making Song Pyeon 

Christina and Izzy. They wanted a "twin" picture because their Hanboks were so similar. Or "same-same," as the phrase goes. 

David and Vincent. Both are camera-hogs. 

 Max and Alex. They masquerade as gremlins but are actually incredibly intelligent.

Too many pictures hahaa 

Vin didn't mind having his picture taken. His hand wasn't in protest, but simply because he wanted me to take a picture of it. 

The Crew! I can't believe this is 11. They seem like more when they're running around, full of energy and mischief. After helping them change out of their Hanboks and into regular clothes, I felt like I had completed a marathon! I understand how moms feel now, when they have 3+ kids to get ready in the mornings.

The most randomly pieced together post

I've been feeling some guilt from the past couple of years. I wish I could pour out my heart, but part of me feels inhibited. I'm going to do the best I can to relate what I'm thinking: I had a run in with God tonight while I was playing and singing, and was totally blown away by these words:

And when before the throne 

I stand in Him complete, 

I'll lay my trophies down, 

All down at Jesus' feet.

I'm not even sure where to begin explaining how this hit me. The other day I tried explaining to my students that we will live forever. We will never go out. Our souls will leave our bodies, but if we love Jesus we're going to live eternally. Forever is a long time. I can't even comprehend it! Then, standing before the throne of GOD. I mean, WHAT. I'm going to see him. He's going to be that much more real and I will be a mess. A quaking, undeserving mess. I have failed so many times. I wish I could be perfect and stainless. I used to think I was, but that's not true at all. When I was "pure" my sins weren't of the kind that were obviously worldly. Now they are. Then more of the lyrics resonated within me:

Sin had left a crimson stain,

He washed it white as snow.

Right there. I'm new again. I can forget the old ways, I can walk out of Egypt with my head held high, knowing that I am his chosen daughter.

God doesn't want us to be slaves to our past. He wants to turn our bondage into a bridge that will help us connect with others. He wants to use imperfect Leigh Margaret to bless people. I'm not worthy.