...and if you ever happen to find this blog, this is for you, my dear roommate:
Dearest Nicky,
I am heartsick tonight. I don't know if it's the built-up, pent-up emotions from graduation, the lack of sleep, or the fact that I'm beginning a new chapter in my life. I have a pretty good idea that it's a combination of those three, but mostly because I won't be living with you.
Can you remember back to over a year ago? I didn't know you. I knew your name and that you wore hipster glasses. I thought you were strikingly pretty when I saw you at the Seven Brides audition. I knew that I was intimidated by this girl that V-- had replaced me with; this girl who seemed very cool.
I knew that I wanted to be your friend. I've probably mentioned it before. I realized that if I were anyone else in my specific situation, fresh from that terrible breakup, I should have hated you. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't even dislike you. I felt drawn to something within or about you. Now I know that is was God, working His magic, and having an ironic sense of humor.
I was glad when V-- was out of the picture. I thought it was awkward that two exes would go after the same person (with different motives, mind you.)
I am so glad. Glad that you actually sat next to me in Shakespeare class. And that we cracked jokes for the rest of the semester and realized how much we love laughing together. And that we gravitated towards the same church and that you took a leap of faith by living with me.
I feel like it could have gone terribly wrong. With the shaky start we had, we could have made living with each other like hell.
But you are so gracious. You forgave my oversight and chose to accept me as a friend. You have so many characteristics desirable in a friend. You don't judge (or if you do, it's in your heart - haha.) You listen intently, You don't try to run other peoples' lives. You are caring and gentle and loud and so much fun.
As the semester was creeping by (and at the same time whizzing past) I tried to stop and enjoy each moment. I'm always looking forward to the next best thing. I forget to live in the moment and be satisfied. While I was subconsciously forcing myself to stop and smell the roses, I'm looking back now and I'm saying, "Not enough!" I did my best to take in all the laughter and tears, and late nights talking with the lights out until 4 am - - but I'm still left longing for more time.
Perhaps to end on a high note is best? I don't know. Every other roommate I've had, I was so ready to be rid of. I can't see myself tiring of our little apartment 11. Why do we get along so well? Birth orders? Ha, you know I love deciphering, analyzing and labeling.
I didn't think I would cry so much. I'm not used to grief. Or haven't been in over a year. I'm glad it's tears over something good instead of something broken.
If you had told me a year ago that the best part of my undergrad studies would be my last semester in school - not because it was my last but that it was filled with your friendship - well, I would have been skeptical.
Thank you for being my sister-friend. Thank you for sharing a tiny-ass apartment ("an ass-apartment?!") and doing it with grace. Thank you for being my buddy at theatre functions and at church, and still wanting to stop and talk to me on the sidewalk on the way to class, even though we share a bedroom. Thank you for being considerate in the mornings and late at night while I was sleeping, taking great care to not walk on the squeaky parts of the floor. Thank you for quiet mornings on our separate couches, over (my) toast and (your) coffee until we were awake enough to say good morning. Thank you for lending cute clothes where cute clothes were required. And for sitting by me on food poisoning nights. Thank you for being artsy and agreeing that our apartment should be a creative mess. I never knew all these things would be so precious in retrospect.
You mean so much more than you will ever know. I love you, 'Tine.
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