I've been feeling some guilt from the past couple of years. I wish I could pour out my heart, but part of me feels inhibited. I'm going to do the best I can to relate what I'm thinking: I had a run in with God tonight while I was playing and singing, and was totally blown away by these words:
And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I'll lay my trophies down,
All down at Jesus' feet.
I'm not even sure where to begin explaining how this hit me. The other day I tried explaining to my students that we will live forever. We will never go out. Our souls will leave our bodies, but if we love Jesus we're going to live eternally. Forever is a long time. I can't even comprehend it! Then, standing before the throne of GOD. I mean, WHAT. I'm going to see him. He's going to be that much more real and I will be a mess. A quaking, undeserving mess. I have failed so many times. I wish I could be perfect and stainless. I used to think I was, but that's not true at all. When I was "pure" my sins weren't of the kind that were obviously worldly. Now they are. Then more of the lyrics resonated within me:
Sin had left a crimson stain,
I'm not even sure where to begin explaining how this hit me. The other day I tried explaining to my students that we will live forever. We will never go out. Our souls will leave our bodies, but if we love Jesus we're going to live eternally. Forever is a long time. I can't even comprehend it! Then, standing before the throne of GOD. I mean, WHAT. I'm going to see him. He's going to be that much more real and I will be a mess. A quaking, undeserving mess. I have failed so many times. I wish I could be perfect and stainless. I used to think I was, but that's not true at all. When I was "pure" my sins weren't of the kind that were obviously worldly. Now they are. Then more of the lyrics resonated within me:
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.
Right there. I'm new again. I can forget the old ways, I can walk out of Egypt with my head held high, knowing that I am his chosen daughter.
God doesn't want us to be slaves to our past. He wants to turn our bondage into a bridge that will help us connect with others. He wants to use imperfect Leigh Margaret to bless people. I'm not worthy.
Right there. I'm new again. I can forget the old ways, I can walk out of Egypt with my head held high, knowing that I am his chosen daughter.
God doesn't want us to be slaves to our past. He wants to turn our bondage into a bridge that will help us connect with others. He wants to use imperfect Leigh Margaret to bless people. I'm not worthy.
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