Currently reading a book called Radical. It was recommended to me by a Bible study leader a couple of years ago, and I've finally gotten around to it. In all honesty, I knew that I should have read it earlier, but I had this feeling that it would challenge me in a way that I wouldn't like. And who was so right about that? Yeah. Me.
The book begins by representing and later harping on the verses concerning "making disciples of all the nations," and "giving away your possessions and earthly wealth in order to more fully serve Christ" etc, etc, ET CETERA. I've always found this disheartening. I was never much for "missions" or living frugally. I don't want to live in another country for the rest of my life, struggling with a language that's not my own, living with the bare minimum. I want to be comfortable, lazy, fat, and happy. Are you getting a taste of how selfish my heart is? Basically, I don't want to give up control.
I tend to think that evangelizing offends people more than it brings them to Christ. Short-term mission trips are about checking a box each year and then returning to our plush, suburban lives.And long-term missions? They're just crazy.
I have a very good friend who has been a reminder that I need to be about the world, about other people, and not so obsessed with seeking comfort. She has never come out and said, "Geez, Leigh Margaret, you're being super selfish, never having gone on any missions trips, never wanting to leave the country," - because at one time that was true - I didn't want to leave the U.S. I was shockingly small-minded and I didn't think much of it. But back to my friend - all she did was live her life and share with me how awesome it was to take a missions trip to Honduras and realize that life is bigger than the U.S. She changed her intended major, her university and whole outlook on life. She returned home from her mission trip an altered young woman - in a very good way.
For a while, I was selfish and just wanted my friend to go back to the original plan. We were going to share an apartment, continue to be face-to-face friends, instead of dealing with a long-distance friendship. Friend, since you might read this, please don't be offended or conversely, feel guilty. This is simply my self-centered soul peeking through. I knew what I wanted and, of course, thought it was best.
Since then, you've graduated, gotten married, and are now living outside the States. I can see God using you, shaping you and bringing you into a new season of blessing. You have been faithful in your walk and now you will reap joy where you sowed tears.
Those few years ago, I watched you turn around in just a matter of weeks and be radically changed for God. I saw what was happening. I was happy that you could so readily give up (or rather, put on hold) your other pursuits. I just wasn't ready to follow your example. I decided to run away from that calling. I didn't want to be totally sold out to God because I was afraid that his plans weren't as cool as my own. What if he wanted me to live outside of my home country? What if, everyday, I was challenged physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually...to the point of exhaustion? No, of course I ran away. I like comfort, remember? Now, looking back, I can see how very un-cool my original ideas for happiness were. My life would have been pathetic, at best.
Now, friend, I want to give it up. I don't want to control my life because in retrospect I've always run aground when I'm the one steering. Nothing goes as smoothly as when God is making my decisions. I'm still a little afraid of the abandon. I'm not sure which direction my life should take, or "what I want to be when I grow up." Does anybody? Furthermore, do I have to pick just one thing? How about going where God says I should go? That's a nice profession. Not a comfy one, but pretty radical.
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