It's in these times that we might feel lonely and devoid of purpose. This isn't true at all. We each have a great purpose that God has tucked away - - it's just not always the right moment to reveal it.
I was sitting on a bench outside of EMart today, sucking on an orange and people watching. Over to my right were several ominous, white apartment buildings framed by hazy mountains. There were buses, bikes, cars and people hurrying past, everyone sweating in the heat. A really lovely Sunday. As I sat there, smiling at the Koreans staring at my overall strangeness, I realized that I had not talked to a single person all day. Granted, I only just woke up at 12 noon after sleeping eight hours. My friend needed to make a hospital visit that lasted until 4am, so I was going to give this body some rest after a long night. All that to say: I could feel lonely. I've mentioned this to a friend before, that I sometimes have to step outside of my situation to scrutinize it and realize that what I'm doing is lonely. There are few foreigners here, (i.e. people that can speak my language fluently and understand my culture) and even fewer people that are walking this narrow path that I've chosen.
What a strange place I'm in! I've always been used to friends and people and being surrounded by busyness. Now, I find a whole day will pass and I won't have had a conversation face to face. (This is usually on the weekends when I'm not at work and going wild from the chaos.) Still, I never thought I would be living life in South Korea, so far away from family and friends. In a strange way, I like it. Sure, I miss the people I love, but it's nice to be anonymous. To sit and really contemplate life. To enjoy good music, movies and books, and not feel the stress of my usual obligations. No thoughts of bills weighing heavy on me, no one is trying to reach me on my cell, because I don't have one - - it's peaceful. I'm trying hard to dig in and enjoy this precious pause in my life.
I hope this doesn't come off as a "sad and lonely" post. I don't mean that at all. I guess I'm just feeling pensive and wanted to voice these ideas to someone. I'm glad that "someone" usually means a silent blog. I appreciate when you all comment, for sure - but sometimes it's nice to just be heard.
It sounds like a lovely escape to me.
ReplyDelete