Some disgruntled feelings healed

For this whole year I've been struggling with something in the Bible. I'm sure I've mentioned it in a previous post, but it's the one concerning women in leadership (in the church.) I feel that God has specifically called me to lead people. I'm not sure what this looks like, what I will be doing, or where. I do have this vision of brights lights in a dark auditorium, and that I'm speaking to a room full of women. Other than that, every stepping stone to that place is hidden from me.

I came across that greatly-disputed verse in 1 Timothy:

"I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent."

and the sister verse in 1 Corinthians:

"Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission*, as the Law says."

I'm sorry, God - I love your word...but yuck. I mean, really?? I'm not a silent kind of girl. I'm sure that as the years go by, God has mellowed my heart and tongue, but usually if something needs to be said, I'll say it! When I saw these verses earlier in the year, I was so disheartened. This was after I felt God's calling to lead people. How am I supposed to lead people if I'm supposed to be "silent"?

I talked with several trusted friends and even my pastor about this. None of them could give me a straight answer. Last night, I ran into the assistant pastor of the church I attend, Wolgwang English Ministry, and we fell upon this topic. He's in seminary now (or something to that equivalent, studying for his Master's - sorry that I can't remember the specifics! My poor memory bleahhhhhhhh) so he's often in the word, studying and  deciphering it. I really appreciate his insight. He told me this:

"Many people want to take this literally and use it for today's culture. What they fail to do, it realize that this was Paul speaking about a specific church for a certain time in history. [For the Corinthians' verse] this was for the church in Corinth. The women there were allowed to teach for a time, but because many of them were prone to talking too much, and their conversation was idle and gossipy, Paul decided to stop them from leading altogether. Sometimes women are better suited to a certain type of leadership. There are many women pastors that are blessed by God and obviously being used by him. The ideal type of leadership, would be the team of a man and a woman, each bringing their unique gifts and complementing each other."

This had to be the most concrete answer I've received on this subject. I met somebody this year who introduced himself, and almost in the same breath, he told me that women shouldn't go to seminary or lead in a church setting. Awesommmmeeeeee. Excellent choice for an introduction. I wasn't too crazy to hear that, especially since it was near the time that I discovered and really meditated on the two previous verses.

All this to say:

Mr. Man that said I couldn't go to seminary, and everybody else that wants to be sexist about God's plan for my life - God doesn't put limits on his children. He created me with specificity and for a purpose. I intend to be used to the fullest extent of my abilities. If that means leading, then I will do it. If that means serving (which is usually what leading means) then of course, I will serve. I want to be used and being a woman will not stop me. God has gifted me and will use me especially because I am a woman.

*Please note that the word "submission" is not a favorite of mine. This, however, is something I realize I should do, for God, for a possible future spouse (if God chooses to bless me with one) etc. It's true, I'm not good at submitting. This is most likely obvious to anyone who stumbles across my ramblings. It's a daily struggle, giving up my "I can do it myself" attitude, but it is something that must be done. This is a work in progress. I'm not done yet.