this next year

This lovely girl:

http://chaispice.tumblr.com/

is truly anointed by God. I "follow" her on this site, tumblr.com, and she'll post the most radical, moving things. I recently read that I shouldn't praise the messenger, so I will try not to. God uses her in poignant, quiet ways. I say quiet, because this is all via the internet, with no facial or vocal expressions; just black words on a white screen. And yet, God knocks the wind out of me each time I see it.

I was reading through the "likes" stored on my account and this popped up:

>>I am Jesus, the One that you're not leaning on

I was the  One who brought you out of brokenness and depression in the first place. Will you not trust that I will keep carrying you? I care for you. I have everything you need. You won’t be put to shame; I won’t let that happen. Cling to Me. I know it’s going to be hard work - but I will equip you and bring strength to your bones. When you turn to Me, I will sustain you and you will commune with Me in such a way that people can’t help but see Me when they look at you. I won’t put you to shame. The next year will be hard - that’s why you must keep coming to Me, for My burden is light and My yoke is easy. The next few weeks will be difficult, but you must remember that it is I who will fight for you. And the next year is to be My year, not yours. I love you. Remember that I am a rewarder of those who seek Me with all they have.

Trust Me, beloved.

I am Jesus, the One you will come up out of the wilderness leaning on.<<

Powerful, yes? God can speak directly through people. I need to hear this. I need to hear God's voice as if he's talking only to me. Being a "Words of Affirmation" love-language girl, for someone to speak life into me means more than anything. Well, that, and if someone were to give me all their precious time. Those two things, to me, mean love.

"This next year will be hard..." And I thought this last year was difficult! Now that I'm almost on the other side, I look back and can see how it has all been used for good. This next year is frightening to me. My mom accused me of being scared. At first I denied it, and then I realized she was right. I feel more frightened than I did a year ago, preparing to come to Korea. I know Korea now, and I know the States. I know which one feels safer financially and comes with less stress. It's kind of a no-brainer.

I've recently had the most difficult time trusting that God has a plan for me. I mean, yeah, I know he does. But when I see something that I think I want, what I think might be best for me, I've always just gone for it. I'm an impulsive person and am not ashamed of being brash. However, I don't want to steer anymore. I just want to hand it all over and let God decide where I go and what I should do. Everything I tried to orchestrate in the past turned into a nasty mess, and caused unnecessary grief.

It's one thing to say all of this - and it's quite another to really, really trust God. I mean, with that being said, I could end up anywhere. Anywhere. Am I really ready to be anywhere for God? Maybe if he could give me a hint of where "anywhere" could be...? ;-)