pourquoi?

I really don't understand life sometimes. Why do things go wrong? Why do they not go the way I want them to go? "All things work together for good..." but it's not very good right now!

I was able to get to an acupuncturist so he could assess my hurting leg. It's been a few weeks now that I've had pain in my right calf muscle - but it was a deeper pain than just the lactic acid working its normal magic. There came a point (the other night) when I was running with a limp that went away during the run only because my endorphins kicked in (your body's natural painkiller is stronger than any manufactured one. Ever.) Upon returning home after a quick 4-miler, I could barely stand on my right leg, I was in so much pain. I'm ashamed to say that I crumbled in a sniffling heap on my floor because of it.

I did some stretches, but realized that this wasn't any ordinary running pain. After consulting with my mom, she suggested I find some kind of therapy. I wanted to stay away from anywhere that might just pass me some drugs. I want to eliminate the pain, not mask it.

So, off to the acupuncturist I went. Korea has made me so unabashed about my body. With the naked spas, laser hair removal - and now acupuncture on my hip - nothing is sacred. Good grief. Come to find out, it's not painful at all, and actually, feels kind of good. They took a hickey-machine to my skin to draw the blood closer to the surface. Since certain tissues in the body don't circulate blood as well as others, this is necessary and unfortunately uncomfortable - but only because it was ticklish. Then, the needles went in and I sat for about 10 or 15 minutes under a heat lamp. The doctor came in and told me I'd need to come back for more treatment and also said that I could not exercise for two weeks   **record scratches** WHAT.

If some of you have been reading this recently, you'll know that I've been training for my first half-marathon. I'm very excited to have a goal like this. I've always wanted to run, but never had the motivation + the time to devote. Since being in Korea, I have both and I feel superb! I used to hate running and now I look forward to the solitude; I can get away and just run; explore Gwangju and feel unencumbered by anything,

I'm afraid of what my body will do in two weeks. I rely on exercise to keep myself sane (otherwise I become anxious and depressed once a month) and so without it - who knows. Also, I don't want to lose the cardio or muscle I've built up (what little I have, haha!)

All that to say, I was crushed with the idea that I might not be able to race in a month. I mean, I've been training for three months and really looking forward to this.

After (again) consulting with my mom (who informed me that she had a similar injury when she was training for her first 1/2 marathon) she said that if I swim during the two weeks while I'm resting, and then build up in the two weeks prior to the race, I should be fine.

This is so long and drawn out. I'm tempted to just delete it all. But I think that would defeat the purpose of this blog. So here it all is. I'm really hoping I can run this race. I really wish my leg was able to be used with limping on it. I would really like to fast forward just a bit in my life. What is this for? Why am I going through this setback? I can't see it yet...but I'm sure I'll be writing about it when I do.