Oh, my heart needs to be changed. I have some bitterness that needs to go away. Forgiveness that needs to happen. I know this is vague, but if you think of it, please pray for me.

Aside from that, I'm finding that my heart is very full. I often cry over the smallest thing (and it's not always tears of sadness.) Most of the time, I well up from the sheer magnitude of God's grace, of his creation, of how much he loves us. I just can't get away from it. I love it and I'm so blessed to be allowed a part in his bigger plan.

Ezekiel 11:19 speaks these words that I believe have been giving my heart a root canal: "I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give a heart of flesh."

I am so proud that I am strong. I'm strong physically and, for the most part, strong in my will and constitution. I've been run over in friendships and boys, and I created this tough exterior to ward off future offenses. A while ago, my mother confronted me and said, "Why are you acting so tough? You're not a hard person - you're tender and gentle. Stop trying to act like you've got everything together." I'm not sure if these were her exact words, but you get the idea. This struck me: am I really a tender person? Am I soft and compassionate? Do I want to be soft and essentially "weak"? No. Weakness is not fun. Weakness is stupid.

But in my weakness, God can show his strength; he can help me shed my skin of pride and shine through to others that need encouragement, mercy and compassion. In fact, I am not that strong. My stony exterior can be shattered as easily as a hammer shatters glass. I am nothing special, nothing stronger than the average person. I need to daily give up this pride, the true weakness, so that God can be my strength when I'm hurting.

Eesh.

However, my problems are small. I don't think I will write another angsty post for a while. They annoy me.

And now, a recent GPOY of a section of Gwangju, as seen from Sajik Park in the middle of town. This is my sanctuary - so green and lush and I can pretend like I'm not in a city at all. I never thought I would be this taken with nature, but I've found the absence of something makes you love it even more.