Oh, people.

They will fail you. They will disappoint and tear your heart to pieces. It's times like this when I wish I wasn't such a feeler. I feel things so acutely and emotional pain is almost unbearable. I'll find myself empathizing with someone so deeply that I begin crying their tears. Sometimes it's ridiculous. But right now, it's rather justified. I'm not going to name names, but a blog exists to be written; about monumentally trivial things like feelings. Oy.

My present conflict has made me reflect quite a bit: what kind of friend am I? Am I really as selfish as this "friend" recently told me? I'm caught with so many questions. The one foremost on my mind is "What did I ever do to deserve this censure?" and the second being, "How am I supposed to read your mind?" I cried quite a bit earlier. I went for a jog and sat on a dead tree and cried. Sometimes a good cry feels so good. I prayed some angry, confused and then humble prayers and got on with my afternoon. God told me, "Let it go." I was reminded of a phrase one of my worship partners writes on her arms before a service: "It's not about you."


It's not about me

Whatever it is that my friend is going through, I'm beginning to doubt is my fault. Her blunt remarks came out of nowhere, it seems, and I need to remember that conflict doesn't always start and end with me. Oftentimes, people are hurt or boiling over about something internal and happen to lash out at people they love. I can't let it bother me anymore. I was reading a prophetic ministry I dictated from a tape given to me after prayer over me. Actually, I named my blog after part of this prayer said to me:


You have been hurt, there is bitterness sometimes, or tainted water – let it go. He’s making you like a diamond. Diamond’s withstand the toughest pressure, when it’s done and finished, it turns out to be the most beautiful diamond.


Pressure is good. Crying is good. Feeling is good. Everything that is uncomfortable or painful now will work in God's amazing plan to enrich my life and help me bring glory to Him. I'm beginning to understand how little I should invest in other people and myself, and how much more I should invest in God. He is the reason for everything I do. He is the only thing to live for. People will fail, but God is faithful, good, safe, and true. Always.