a post which will continue for too long

I have been inspired recently, about going computer-free (or spending less time on the computer.) What did I do with my time before I had the internet at my fingertips? Sure, the last time I remember it clearly was when I was 8 years old, running around outdoors, building forts, and playing with the neighbors, because I barely knew what "the internet" was.

No, I take that back. The most recent internet-free time in my life was two summers ago when I working at Southern Appalachian Repertory Theatre in the mountains. I adore the mountains, so who would want to waste their time on a machine when you have a breath-taking view and beautiful weather to enjoy?

This time found me without internet because there simply wasn't wireless in my apartment, or I couldn't access it, or I wasn't keen on hunting down an ethernet cord. Whatever the dilemma, I was lacking, and yet, perfectly content. I had a cell phone and made calls/sent texts to friends and family. I had my guitar and a notebook, and played for hours. I hung out with friends in their apartments. I went for long walks in the warm evenings. I played volleyball with the kids from Barnardsville. I remember my time so vividly because I was really connected to it. I was enjoying every single breath because I was living my life. I wasn't watching other people's lives play out on a newsfeed; every minute detail that nobody really cares to hear about, ticking past. When a life is spattered all over a screen, it loses flavor and tangibility.

I've been at fault for this. My life looks just the way I want it to on facebook. On my blog. Everything is selected or deselected to my liking. I can untag myself from unflattering photos. I can be whoever I want to be on the internet.

Not so in real life. There are words we can't take back. Bad hair days we can't untag. Conversations we can't suddenly go offline for.

I'm realizing more how valuable time is. This year has been frightfully fleeting. These last three weeks I want to experience fully.

I have no regrets, for keeping this blog or staying in touch with my family and friends. You are all so important to me. I want to still be in your lives so that I can come back to the States and be there for you - so we can pick up where we left off. I want to let you know that I am available and my time is yours so that you can be blessed. I will, however, move forward with a larger understanding of how life should be lived. It's bigger than a profile picture, wider than a newsfeed, and deeper than a computer screen.

Go live life.

Go read.
Draw.
Sing.
Dance.
Talk to someone you care about.
Talk to someone you've never met.
Listen to music.
Create music.
Run.
Walk.
Swim.
Learn a new craft or skill.
Read, read, read.
Did I mention, read?

I've been able to sink my teeth into some great stories since I've been here. I'm finally becoming the person I've always wanted to be. I can take the time to get lost in a book and then emerge with new ideas to share with others. To be a reader - - it's just...satisfying. And then again, not, because when you're done with a book, you're hungry for another. Also, you can find people who have read the same book and share your thoughts (and this is exciting to discover, especially if you don't read what's popular - you can find a kindred-reader!)

There's that saying,

"Great people talk about ideas.
Average people talk about things.
Small people talk about other people."

Now, we can't always just talk about ideas. It is necessary to talk about things. If you have an errand to run, or a question for someone - it might involve discussing inanimate objects, like cars, food, or clothes. Sometimes, friends need to vent about feelings and this involves talking about other people. True, it's difficult to avoid this. But do you really want to be someone that always talks about other people? This loops back around to the facebook thing. It's a "social network," right? It's people wanting to see others and be seen. People needing information on other people, needing to let others know about them, as well. It's small.

Talk about ideas. Think about something bigger than yourself and your computer screen.

More pain

I've had a lot of muscle pain off and on since October with my sprained hip flexor. On top of that, I've caught every cold possible this winter due to little snuffly children and cold weather. Yesterday, I realized how much my shouldering was bothering me. It felt like a nasty knotted muscle; the pain spread into my neck and gave me a few pinches in my right temple. I went to the acupuncturist and he mentioned something about a herniated disc in my neck????? Eesh. I don't need this right now. I really don't. The pain gets in my way of enjoying these last few weeks with my students. I've been cranky. I just want some relief.

Dreams

Mine have been so vivid the past couple of nights. My mom is always berating me about discussing my dream life, saying, "You put too much stock in your dreams...!" Ok, ok. There was a time when I was trying to analyze every single dream and I was a little obsessed. It's not the dream we should worship, but the Dream-giver. I get it. But God did use dreams as a way to speak to people. He still does, I'm sure. I just need to pray for the wisdom to discern between his voice and undigested dinner.

This one has stuck with me though: Twice in the last few months I've dreamed about our family friends, the Martin Family. Not sure why - but I'll be sure to pray. Grace, I know you read this from time to time, so you'll be surprised to know that in my dream, Hope was fluent in Korean! And so was the rest of your family ^_^

The next part of my dream I was having open heart surgery. Probably from watching too many medical dramas. Or...it reminds me of that verse: Take from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh."

Finally, I dreamed about getting two more tattoos. In my dream (and in waking life, too) they were some that I had been planning and I wanted something specific. Split to after the tattoos are completed, and I'm admiring my forearm and hand (because for some reason, that's where they ended up) and I thought, "Well shoot, this was not what I wanted at all!" After examining them for a bit, I said, "Ah well - - no use crying over it" and actually appreciated them for their beauty, and forgot about my original ideas, that I had worked so hard to plan out.

feverish. again.

Not going to church today, even though I'm supposed to help with the music. I can't shake this getting-sick-every-weekend thing! I'm thoroughly sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can't feel guilty. Just because most of Korea continues to battle through sickness, doesn't mean that I have to. Someone mentioned recently that this was a kind of culture shock for me. That I felt I needed to tough it out just because everyone else around me does. If it's the weekend and I can stay home and rest, then I darn well better do it! God knows I still love him and I don't have to go to church to prove it.

Ok. I'm done. I was just giving myself a little pep-talk.

5 Weeks

I promise not every post from now on will be counting down the weeks. It's just that I still can't wrap my mind around it! This is my own way of hitting myself over the head so as to fully comprehend.

I'm looking forward to going back to these things:
-Seeing my family
-Eating that nasty, delicious, box-mix cake with Betty Crocker icing
-Eating real pizza
-Baking anything I want in an oven
-Shopping at Target/Wal-Mart/or any other large store where I will be drowning in English
-Visiting ECU, NYC, Asheville, and Florida friends, which means LOTS of roadtripping (that's not even a word, but I just made it one. BAM)
-Driving
-Hugging lots of people (that I know, of course; unless I feel extra friendly and grab a couple of strangers...)
-Warmer weather
-Planning my sister's wedding
-Seeing what God has planned next

Things I'm sad to leave behind:
-My students. Namely, Max and Alex Kim, Jade, Christina, Sandy, Sun, David, Candy, and Johnny
-That I don't have to pay for gasoline, a car payment, or insurance
-That I don't have to pay for rent
-Downtown Gwangju/the shopping/the moseying/the bright lights and festival feeling you get when walking down the alleyways at nights. It's not as sketch as it sounds, I swear...
-First Nepal
-Taking a jog wherever I want to go, and feeling totally comfortable, any time of day, then when I'm worn out, just hopping on a bus back home
-Bus #98,  95, 01, 06, 50, 25, and 27. These are my lifelines of travel
-4D movies. Yes, 4D. This means, you wear glasses for the 3D effect, and then your seat moves like a ride in Disney world
-MDream and all the amazing kids there - this is now synonymous with the song "Party Rock Anthem" - shuffling will forever be dear to my heart
-Speaking what little Korean I know. There's really no need to use it again where I live since I don't know many Koreans from home
-Not having to make small talk with strangers during daily activities; being totally anonymous in public

I'm sure I'll think of more things and then I'll just make another post detailing the things I missed.

Yep. 5 weeks.